With the royal wedding a month away, by now most people have a celebration game plan in mind — particularly those of us stuck stateside, who will unfortunately be tuning in before the sun has the decency to rise in the sky. You have plenty of options, depending on how turnt you want to get, ranging from the royal wedding tea to the royal wedding beer, but those options just expanded drastically thanks to Meghan Markle's nephew creating a strain of weed for the royal wedding.
Before we proceed any further, it is my obligation to inform you that this cannabis strain is going to be called "Markle's Sparkle," which — weed consumer or not — is just some A plus branding that makes you wish your own last name was cool enough to get incorporated into a cannabis hybrid. The details on what will go into this particular strand haven't been released, but I'm assuming that whatever it is will inspire some truly royal vibes. Speaking to The Daily Mail, Tyler Dooley, Markle's nephew, said that he'd be "more than happy" to share some with Markle and Prince Harry, should they decide to visit Oregon for a sample.
And to be fair, it seems like Dooley's in a uniquely qualified position to create what seems to be the only "royal wedding weed" on the market. Not only is he related to Markle, who he says used to babysit for him and his older brother when they were kids, but he is heavily involved in the cannabis industry in Oregon, according to The Daily Mail. Dooley helps advise growers on land brokering, types of cannabis hybrids to grow, and even how to arrange their lighting systems to optimize growth.
Dooley told The Daily Mail he hasn't spoken with Markle in the last three years, but dismisses reservations about branding the weed in her name. "I know in England that marijuana is still a taboo subject but it’s more normal to us here because we grew up around it in high school. Everybody experiments with it here," he told The Daily Mail. "Meghan grew up in California and I am sure has an American view on pot ... Prince Harry enjoys a good party. I’d be happy to show them around if they ever come out here and educate them on the medicinal benefits of marijuana which helps everything from post-traumatic stress syndrome to insomnia to pain in cancer patients."
Dooley, along with his mother Tracy and brother TJ, who are also involved in aspects of the cannabis business in Oregon, are set to commentate on the royal wedding for Good Morning Britain, so rest assured that you won't be the only American yanked out of the comfort of your precious time zone when the big day comes. Maybe some Markle's Sparkle will help you ease into it?
But seeing as there are still relatively few places in the U.S. where recreational marijuana use is legalized and I'm guessing most people are not down to clown for a spontaneous road trip to Oregon next month, there are still plenty of ways to celebrate the royal wedding sans Sparkle. I, for one, will be making an obnoxious amount of lemon elderflower cupcakes in celebration of Meghan and Harry's lemon elderflower wedding cake; I mention this both because I am smug about my (lackluster) baking skills, and because I figure anyone who will be partaking in a weed-fueled royal wedding experience will want the pro-tip so they can swing by my place when the munchies hit. Godspeed, my fellow Americans, and good luck in surviving what is bound to be the most sleep-deprived Saturday morning in all of human history.