When it comes to dating, one of the first things people tend to look for early on is chemistry. It's that special thing that draws you into someone and creates a natural flow between you two. Many times you can easily tell if you have chemistry with someone on a first date or not. But according to experts, there are also
subtle signs of chemistry that are worth paying attention to.
"Generally people tend to know
early on if they share chemistry with someone," psychologist and relationship expert, Dr. Cortney Warren, Ph.D., tells Bustle. "But it's also very easy to allow initial judgements to keep us from getting to know people,"
According to Warren, many tend to believe that chemistry is just about that physical pull and
attraction towards someone. If you're looking for something casual, having that type of chemistry from the start is important.
But if you're looking for something more serious and long-term, you can have chemistry with someone in other ways. "Focusing on things like shared interests, values and beliefs will help determine long-term compatibility," Warren says.
Even if the initial pull to someone wasn't very strong, over time you may find out that you have more chemistry than you thought. Here are some easy-to-miss signs you have good chemistry with someone early on, according to experts.
Making Eye Contact Isn't Awkward
In general, making eye contact is an easy way to connect with anyone. But in some situations, it can leave you feeling pretty awkward. So if you notice that making eye contact with your new partner feels natural and comfortable, Susan Trombetti,
matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Bustle, "This is an easy tell that you two have good chemistry." Maintaining eye contact is a great way to show someone you're interested in them, and it's also helps to create a sense of intimacy.
You're Hyper Aware Of Their Touch
When you have good chemistry with someone, you're naturaly going to find ways to get closer and maybe even touch. "Continuously catching yourself getting a rush from their hand grazing yours, or even a playful touch on the arm from laughing, shows that you enjoy their company on a more romantic level," Trombetti says. When you get excited from touching them, whether on purpose or even on accident, it's a sign that the physical chemistry is definitely there.
You Can't Stop Smiling And Laughing When You're With Them
If you can't stop smiling or laughing whenever you're around someone, you're already off to a really great start. "Being around your new partner should prompt contagious smiles and laughs," Trombetti says. "Having the same sense of humor shows that two people think alike and are very compatible with each other." It shows that you can be happy and just enjoy each other's company without really having to do anything. According to Trombetti, this is a good sign that you two have a natural chemistry.
You're Comfortable Being Yourself Around Them
Having good chemistry with someone doesn't have to mean that you two are intensely drawn to each other. As
Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy, tells Bustle, "Some people expect to feel their heart pounding and butterflies in their stomach to indicate good attraction and chemistry with someone." But that isn't really true. Having conversations that flow and being able to feel comfortable is actually a really positive indicator of good chemistry. Feeling a sense of comfort around someone may not be as exciting as getting butterflies in your stomach. But this type of chemistry can help you set up a good foundation for a future romantic relationship.
You're Learning New Things
Chemistry is not all about physical compatibility and attraction. As
Dr. Anna Hiatt Nicholaides, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships, tells Bustle, chemistry comes in many forms. You'll know there's good chemistry with someone if they're pushing you to be the very best version of yourself. "This might sound like a tall order, but compatible couples are always challenging one another on a variety of levels," Nicholaides says. "If you're having an easy time coming up with questions to ask, that's surefire evidence this person feels compelling to you and there's intellectual compatibility."
Your Body Responds Well To Them
It's always important to pay attention to what your body is telling you. For instance, do you always feel like touching them? Do you feel yourself facing toward them, making eye contact, and leaning forward? Would you come closer if they wanted to be near you? "If your date is someone you can picture hugging or snuggling, that's the best clue you have good physical chemistry," Nicholaides says. "You should always watch for your more basic physical feelings of desire, attraction, and intrigue. If these feelings aren't there, don't push it." You can't force yourself to feel a certain way about anyone.
Time Flies When You're Together
Watching a boring movie or being on a date with someone that doesn't really interest you can seem to last forever. But if you're hanging out with someone and time just flies, that's a good sign you two have great chemistry. "Having a good conversation and a good connection will make everything else disappear, including the sense of time,"
Diana Venckunaite, certified life and relationship coach, tells Bustle. "You're captured by the ease of everything unfolding right in front of you, finding things in common, and you have a curiosity to see what’s next." This goes back to feeling at ease and comfortable with them. When you can spend time talking for hours, you'll really have an opportunity to get to know each other in-depth.
Sometimes chemistry with someone can be intense and obvious. But it doesn't have to be. If you notice any of these subtle signs with someone early on, there's definite chemistry there.