I love to do this thing with ranch dressing where I eat it with a few lettuce leaves underneath and call it "salad." Ranch is not just a dressing. It's a state of mind. Hidden Valley knows this. They know us. They knew dunking our veggies and pizza in it wasn't enough. They knew drinking it through a straw wasn't enough. They knew serving it in a bucket and sticking our heads in it simply wouldn't suffice. Heck, even the Hidden Valley ranch keg didn't cut it. Thus, they went and did the unthinkable: they made Hidden Valley Ranch popcorn and chips. (Bustle has reached out to Hidden Valley about the new offerings, and will update this post upon response.)
It was Instagram user JunkFoodMom who initially posted and brought it to the internet's attention, and now I'm sitting here sobbing hysterically overcome with joy whilst reading her post. She was at the Sweets and Snacks Expo in Chicago the weekend of May 22 when she happened upon said potato chips and popcorn. She writes, "I only got to sample a few morsels and they are great. The chips had more of a sour cream and onion flavor but the popcorn really had the HVR taste and was my favorite." Ah, yes. The popcorn. I can already see myself shoveling handfuls of it in my mouth while marathoning Game of Thrones and downing moscato. Hey, Hidden Valley? You've done me proud.
BTW, those sample cups are really adorable. I would need about 80 of those to satisfy my cravings.
Now, let's get down to the details that really matter. When and where can I find these? The sooner, the better, because I'm really looking forward to losing myself in the bottom of the bag. Unfortunately for me (and undoubtedly countless others), that part still remains a mystery. JunkFoodMom continues, "I’m sorry I’m not able to provide you with any information as to when and where these will be sold. For now let’s just sing songs of joy and happiness that these exist."
You're sorry? You're sorry?? "Sorry" doesn't put the delicious ranch-flavored potato chips and popcorn in my mouth, does it? (Real talk, though: hopefully there's a release date for this soon!)
This takes our ranch obsession to new heights, although it was already pretty high up there. Some of us are even buying ranch-flavored mints. Yes, these are a real thing. As amazing as it is, ranch leaves you with disgusting breath. You normally pop a mint to get rid of it. But no. Some people are popping a mint to make their breath more ranchy.
Hey, I don't get it, but mad respect for your dedication to ranch.
To be fair, ranch chips already exist. However, they don't have the Hidden Valley stamp of approval. Pringles was one brand that took the leap, and they actually have a number of ranch varieties, including buffalo ranch, regular ranch, and zesty ranch. Not sure how ranch and zesty ranch are different or what makes the zesty ranch so zesty.
Obvi, Doritos has their cool ranch flavor, and they are indeed irresistible. I know this from personal experience, and the countless times I've felt my fingernails scrape the bottom of the bag.
However, nothing will compared to ranch chips and popcorn from the Hidden Valley. The one and only. The real deal. Other ranch chips better sleep with one eye open. There's a new HCIC.
You're not just imagining a huge spike in ranch's popularity. Even the numbers prove our love has grown. In 2014, The NPD Group found ranch dressing was the number one dressing shipped around the country to food service outlets. Its closest competitor was blue cheese, but its sales doubled that. While the rest of the dressing category had relatively plateaued, ranch was out of control. In fact, it might be more popular than ketchup. Ketchup! They even called it the Swiss Army knife of salad dressings. Bah!
If your love of ranch dressing is undying, if you've got the entire Hidden Valley clothing line, if the Hidden Valley ugly Christmas sweater is hanging in your closet and ready for the holidays, keep your eyes peeled for the new Hidden Valley potato chips and popcorn, hopefully coming soon to a grocery store near you. And if you arrive to find out they're out of stock, that's because I bought them all. NOT SORRY.