How Americans Rate Their Sex Lives, According To A New Survey
How good is the sex with your partner? It's something that really fascinates a lot of us. And though there's a good chance that you talk to your friends about how good your sex life is (or how not good it is), have you ever actually ranked it down to the percentage point?
That's exactly what 2,000 American adults did in a recent survey conducted by adult retailer EdenFantasys. They asked a whole lot of straight people about how they would rank their partner in the sack. The bad news? Overall, Americans only gave their partners a B- in the bedroom. In fact, with an average score of 80 percent, they barely scraped a B-, which isn't exactly heartening.
Why aren't the grades higher? Well, it often comes down to communication — not being open enough with one another about what we like or need in the bedroom.
"We tend to stick with general questions such as 'what turns you on?' when we first form a new sexual relationship," licensed master social worker and sex therapist Stefani Shaffer-Pond, tells Bustle. "This is such a broad question that it tends to elicit surface level responses such as 'I like candlelight' or 'I really enjoy oral sex.' To be honest? I don't know many people who dislike candlelight. Try probing further: Ask your partner 'what kind of porn do you like to watch?' or 'what was the last image you came to?'" Not many of us are so bold with our questioning or so candid with our discussion — but maybe we should be. If these numbers say anything, it's that there's a lot of room for improvement.
Here's what the survey found, from our best skills to the ones that really need some improvement.
1. Intercourse Skill: 84% (B)
Americans ranked their partner highest on intercourse which, considering this was exclusively hetero couples, probably means penis-in-vagina intercourse. Even though 84 percent isn't too bad, it's all downhill from here.
2. Kissing Skill: 83% (B-)
For some people, kissing is make-or-break. If the kissing isn't good, I really struggle to get on board with anything else — but Americans only gave their partner a B-, or 83 percent, when it came to locking lips.
3. Bedroom Generosity: 82% (B-)
If your partner isn't an A+ when it comes to bedroom generosity, it's time to find someone who is — stat.
4. Fingering/Hand Skills: 82% (B-)
Fingering and hand play is definitely something where your skills (or lack of skills) show — it can be amazing and sex or awkward and even painful. Overall, Americans only ranked their partners an 82 percent in that department.
5. Oral Sex Skills: 80% (B-)
Americans' oral skills apparently fare worse than our hand skills — barely making it into the B- territory with a score of 80 percent.
6. Overall Foreplay Skills: 80% (B-)
Foreplay came in at quite a few percentage points lower than intercourse overall, at only 80 percent. Considering most women need a lot more than PIV intercourse to orgasm, it's definitely time to sharpen these skill.
7. Noises: 77% (C+)
We're not loving each other's noises in the bedroom — only scoring a 77 percent when it comes to our "Oohs" and "Ahhs!".
8. Dirty Talk: 73% (C)
To be fair, dirty talk can be really tough to get right — so maybe it's no surprise that Americans had their lowest score in this category. A score of only 73 percent shows that there is some uncomfortable dirty talk happening out there.
A B- isn't a great average for our bedroom skills, but when you see it broken down, it's clear that some skills are stronger than others. If you feel like your sex life is a little lackluster, it's time to start back at square one — communicate, experiment, and try to have fun with it.