Based on all the advice on the internet, you'd think everyone were looking to have more sex. We're taught everything from what foods will increase our sex drives to how to get our partners in the mood. But what if having LESS sex could actually be the fix your sex life needed? That's how it was for me.
When my partner and I first started dating, we'd have sex every day. Then, when that frequency started to decline, I assumed that meant our passion was dying. So, I forced myself to keep doing it every day, thinking it was good for our relationship. But after a while, I realized the sex I was having when I forced myself was not as good. So, I cut back to a few times a week — and sex became great again.
"We all have a tendency to get caught up in 'keeping up with the Joneses' syndrome when it comes to sex," sex therapist Vanessa Marin tells Bustle. "Everyone feels like they're not having enough sex, and there's definitely a sense that the more sex you have the better. But that's just not true! Pushing yourself to have sex when you don't want to is only going to decrease your libido and make you feel resentful of yourself and your partner. Focusing on quality over quantity is going to make you much happier — and the sex you'll have will be way better too."
Despite the myth that more is better when it comes to sex, one University of Toronto Mississauga study found that couples who have sex once a week or more are happiest — but after you reach that once a week mark, having more sex doesn't increase your happiness. Besides, the real frequency with which you should have sex is the frequency with which you want to have sex. Here's why having less sex was actually the best thing for my sex life.