How To Deal With Loneliness During The Holidays

Ad failed to load

The holidays are a difficult time of year. Although there’s lots of celebrating and time spent with friends and family, the holidays can also feel lonely for those who don’t have a partner. Especially when you look around and see many of the people you know all cozied up with a significant other.

Dating app Coffee meets Bagel surveyed 800 of their members early this month to see how they feel about their relationship status during the holidays. What they found was that 61 percent think about dating more this time of year, 46 percent reflect more on life during the holiday season, and 43 percent find that spending time with loved ones makes them think about dating more then usual. For all its merriment, it can be a somber time of year for some.

“When you are not in a relationship or getting over a relationship, the holidays can be a challenging time of the year,” Behavioral Scientist, Clarissa Silva, tells Bustle. “Each relationship we go through really teaches us about what we need or what we needed to overcome to set us up for a healthy relationship. If you’re currently struggling to get over a relationship, there are a few things you can think about to help overcome some of the pain associated with the break up.”

Ad failed to load

Because it can be a rocky time of year for some folks, here are seven things to think about to help you get through it and make the right choices for your next relationship, according to Silva. But, I’d like to point out, the first step in getting through it is realizing you’re not alone.

Ad failed to load

1Think About What Led To The Relationship You’re Getting Over

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

The why and how we end up in a relationship varies from person to person. Some people end up in a relationship because we just fell into it. Other seek out a specific type of person, find them, and wiggle their way into a relationship. What Silva suggests you do, in order to get through the holidays with your heart in tact and move onto a healthy relationship in the New Year, is think about how you ended up in your last relationship and if that’s how you want to end up in your next relationship.

2Think About What Attracted You To Your Ex

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Was it looks? Charm? Ambition? The fact that they had the best dog who made for the greatest cuddle buddy of all time? Think about it and if the reasons you were attracted to them were good reasons or bad reasons.

3Think About How Your Ex Made You Feel About Yourself

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

"One of the key elements about a relationship is that it should make you a better version of yourself," says Silva. "When you find someone that enhances you in ways that you were always hoping for, that is the beginning of a long-term successful relationship."

You want to be in a relationship where you feel good about yourself. Plain and simple. If you look back at your last relationship and realize you didn't feel good and didn't like the version of yourself that your partner and the relationship made you, then you want to make sure that doesn't happy again.

Ad failed to load

4Think About What You Were Looking For Before Your Last Relationship

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Did your last relationship live up to what you were looking for before the relationship began? Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships and all our standards go out the window and we end up settling, but not realizing it until it’s over. If we can pinpoint now that we settled in our last relationship, we can, ideally, avoid it next time around.

5Think About What You Experienced With Your Ex That You Hadn’t Experienced Before

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Were these experiences good? Did they strengthen you as a person, as well as your relationship and create a deeper bond with your partner? Would you want to have these experiences again? Or were the majority of your experiences with your partner not good and even forgettable? It's important to look at what you experienced and realize if you want to experience it again with someone new or if you want to make sure those experiences never happen again.

6Think About What Fears You Had Before Your Last Relationship Started

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Whether it's fears about yourself, the direction your life is heading, or anything else, fears are a normal part of life. But what should happen in a healthy relationship is that those fears should be soothed — meaning, they definitely shouldn't be increased. If they are, then you really need to think about what that says about your relationship and why you shouldn't be in a relationship like that again.

"Think about the fears you may have had before you got into the relationship," says Silva. "When you are in an optimal relationship, those fears are reduced."

Ad failed to load

7Think About Whether You Could Have Pictured Yourself With Your Ex Before You Met Them

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

For example, there’s no way in hell I could have pictured myself with my ex before I met him. An older, divorced man with two kids? Are you effing kidding me? This was not what I was looking for or could have even fathomed being with in a million years. And, when it didn’t work out, I shouldn’t have been completely surprised. If your ex isn’t the type of person you could have pictured yourself with, then that’s definitely saying something. Actually, it’s not just saying something, it’s saying a lot and should really highlight choices you make for your next relationship.

“Once you have identified the reasons for some of these questions, you’ll have the answers to help propel you to the next relationship,” says Silva. “Sometimes we keep carrying unnecessary burdens into new relationships. You possess the answers to all that you are feeling; you just have to look at the situation from a different angle. The answers are all within you. You can harm or heal yourself. Returning to the point of who you were before the relationship; puts you in a place of empowerment rather than psychological persecution.”

The holidays aren't just about getting through them in one piece, but looking forward to what's on the other side. What's on the other side, for many, is a new relationship, with 46 percent of Coffee Meets Bagel users stating that finding a new relationship is a resolution for 2018. That being said, it's important to examine and think about your last relationship. That way, when you enter into a new one, you're ready to make it your best — and healthiest — relationship yet.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

7 Signs Your Partner Is "The One," Even If They Have Commitment Issues

There's nothing better than finding that one person you could actually see yourself spending the rest of your life with. However, realizing that your partner has commitment issues can put a damper on things. It may even have you questioning whether o…
By Kristine Fellizar

Bustle's Editors On Florida + Fergie

Welcome to a new week, Bustle readers! February is already more than halfway through, and the weather feels way more like spring than winter right now — but don't get used to it. There's a lot to recap today, from the latest on the tragic Parkland sh…
By Rachel Simon

Here's Where Your Next Trip Should Be, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

If you've been craving a vacation, now is a good time to take the plunge. According to data collected by travel site Expedia, late winters and early spring are pretty much the best times of the year to go on vacation. Based on average airfare ticket …
By Callie Tansill-Suddath

How This Quadriplegic Beauty Lover Beat Cancer & Became A Professional Makeup Artist

In 2010, one day before she was supposed to start cosmetology school, Steph Aiello was involved in a car crash that left her paralyzed from the waist down with limited ability to move her hands and one of her closest friends dead. She would spend the…
By Sara Tan

7 Common Marriage Rules That Aren't Good For Relationships

When it comes to marriage, everyone loves to give their two cents, and with all the warnings and advice floating around out there, no wonder people find marriage intimidating. Luckily, you don't always have to play by the rules, and there's some bad …
By Carina Wolff

The Infuriating Way Hollywood Movie Sets Are Designed To Make Life Harder For Women

Whitney Cummings is fed up — with the way Hollywood treats women, and in particular, the way the it treats female directors who have children. While the entertainment industry may be working hard to get more women behind the camera, Cummings wants to…
By Casey Cipriani

19 Things Your Parents Told You Were Illegal In The '90s

Kids say — and think — the darnedest things. We have overactive imaginations, adults like to mess with us, and we don't always understand everything we hear. That's why some kids call strawberries "straw babies" — a boo-boo so adorable, you don't eve…
By Megan Grant

Why Uggs Are Never Going Away, Whether You Like Them Or Not

Uggs. The word alone can conjure up memories of teenage years, regrettable outfits, and undeniable comfort. But if, like me, you thought that you've already said goodbye to those fleece-lined tan boots, you can think again. It seems fashion has adopt…
By Lauren Sharkey

I Never Want To Write This Essay Again

I don't know where you were when you heard about Wednesday's high school shooting in Parkland, Florida. I don't know what you were doing, or how you tried to process the news. I do know this: you thought to yourself, not again. And yet, again. Of cou…
By Jenny Hollander

Netflix's New Romantic Movie Will Have You Crying Like It's 'The Fault In Our Stars'

Cancer movies are a heartbreaking staple of Hollywood and have been for decades. It's almost a law of nature: new year, new cancer movie. This year, it's Netflix's Irreplaceable You, a heartbreaking original about a longtime couple who get thrown for…
By Olivia Truffaut-Wong

Here Are All The Terms You Need To Know If You’re Watching Olympic Ski Events Right Now

Every four years the Winter Olympics rolls around to remind me that A) there are so many important Winter Olympic sports, and B) I know virtually nothing any of them. And I know for a fact, I'm not alone, I bet most people don't know what the differe…
By Danielle Colin-Thome

Kate Middleton Made Sales Of This $1 Secret Accessory Spike & She'll Turn You Into A Believer

There's a royal epidemic going on, people. It's one that causes any and everyone to obsess over the royal family's wardrobe and beauty routines, even if it means breaking the bank to look like them. So a frenzy was expected when Kate Middleton report…
By Summer Arlexis

Adam Rippon and Mirai Nagasu Have Matching Tattoos & The Story Is So Cute

Olympic season gives people the feels. From those shipping Canadian ice dancing pair Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir to Shaun White's gold medal win on Tuesday, the feels are real. Now, there's another reason to get all up in your emotions. Adam Rippon a…
By Shea Simmons

A New Study Says Being In A Relationship Could Change Your Taste In Wine — Here's How

I’d be willing to bet that for many of you, a nice bottle of wine is awaiting you in your near future — and if you’re planning on sharing that bottle with a partner, there might be more to your choice than meets the eye: According to recent research,…
By Lucia Peters

Carrie Brownstein On Why Even The Obama Era Should Have Enraged You

An icy January morning soon after Hollywood's show of solidarity for the #MeToo movement at the Golden Globes and almost exactly one year into the Trump Administration feels like a momentous time to be sitting across from Carrie Brownstein. The Sleat…
By Samantha Rollins

Here’s What The Upcoming Year Of The Dog Means For Your Chinese Zodiac Sign

On Feb. 16 the world will celebrate the Chinese New Year, welcoming the Year of the Dog in like the good doggo it is — we hope. A new year means new zodiac predictions for the 365 days ahead. So, what does the Year of the Dog mean for your Chinese zo…
By Brittany Bennett

7 Signs You're Ready To Get Into A Relationship, According To Experts

It can be difficult to tell when you're ready to start dating again. Maybe you're coming off of a bad breakup, maybe you've just been focused on other things. And, ironically, one of the signs that you're ready to be in a relationship is that you're …
By Lea Rose Emery

I Got A Breast Reduction & It Was About So Much More Than The Size Of My Boobs

As a young teenager, I pretty much reached peak physical maturity overnight. One day I was wearing my first training bra a la Lizzie McGuire, and the next I was sweatily fumbling around a Victoria’s Secret with 32DD boobs, trying to summon up the cou…
By Sierra Taylor Horton

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
via Romper

The 15 Best Fiction Books Of February Feature Tons Of Extraordinary Women

When the cold winds of February blow in, there's nothing I want more than to hide under my covers with a good book. Luckily, there's more than a few fantastic new fiction books coming out this month, so the only tough decision you'll have to make is …
By Melissa Ragsdale

17 Moms Reveal The Most Disgusting Part Of Their Pregnancy

Pregnant bodies do weird-ass things. Weird-ass, gross things. I mean, my pregnant body did (twice), and I have long-suspected I'm not alone. So I asked other moms to share the most disgusting part of their pregnancy and I learned that, not only am I …
via Romper