There’s a saying that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. When I first learned about the concept of an extended orgasm, I really thought it was one of those cases. But the more and more I study it, the more I think they actually could be onto something. After seeing two demos, talking to people who have experienced it, and starting to work up to it myself, I’m convinced it really is possible to have an orgasm that lasts for minutes. The catch is that for many people, it takes a lot of practice.
Extended orgasm is essentially when you can experience all the pleasant effects of a climax without crashing down afterward, Alicia Davon, who teaches extended orgasm through Erwan Davon Teachings, tells Bustle. You can arrive at it in any way you’d normally get turned on, but she recommends doing it with a light touch to your clitoris.
After several months of practicing this and using the Yarlap kegel exerciser, I started to experience vaginal contractions before I even climaxed. I wouldn’t call them orgasms in of themselves, but involuntary movements like these are the building blocks of extended orgasm, says Davon. Once you can experience extended orgasm, you will be having these contractions for minutes on end. The other tell-tale sign that you’re in extended orgasm is that you feel a sense of release in the genitals.
Confused? So was I. To clear things up, here’s exactly how to arrive at an extended orgasm, according to Davon.
1. Get Comfortable
The position recommended for extended orgasm is to lie down with your legs spread apart and a pillow under each one, as well as your head. Make sure that you’re comfortable and relaxed before starting.
2. Receive Pressure
An extended orgasm usually starts off with your partner pressing down on each of your legs to help get you present in your body. The touch should be firm, though obviously not painful. FYI, it's possible to do this on your own, but it's a lot to think about, so Davon recommends it with a partner.
3. A Finger Goes In The Vagina
Your partner should put their thumb in your vagina not only for the extra stimulation but also to feel your vaginal muscles so they can tell how you’re responding.
4. Stimulate The Clitoris
Davon’s classes specifically teach pulling the hood back and having a partner gently stroke your clitoris’s upper left quadrant. For whatever reason, that part seems to be the most sensitive. But do whatever feels good to you.
5. Push Out
We usually tense up our genitals when we’re getting excited, but extended orgasm requires you to do the opposite: “push out.” It may not be sexy to think of it this way, but it’s essentially the motion you use when you’re trying to poop.
6. Spread Your Fingers And Toes
If you feel like too much tension is accumulating in your genitals and you might climax, spreading your fingers and toes can help move the energy throughout your body.
7. Practice “Active Surrender”
“You aren't a rag doll, but not tense,” says Davon. “Some reaching is OK, but not locking tension.”
8. Come Down
To help get you into a less excited state when you’re ready to stop, your partner can press on your legs and your vulva. This is called “grounding” and helps you come down from the emotional high extended orgasm can create.
You may not feel anything for a while, but don’t give up. I’ve been practicing some form of extended orgasm for a year and a half, and I’m just starting to feel the first hints of it. If you stick with it, though, it gets much easier, says Davon. “Once someone gets good at it, genital stimulation is not even required.”
The best part? The benefits of experiencing this state can extended well beyond your sex life to your entire emotional well-being.