When I first got into a long-distance relationship, I thought I'd be a pro at having cyber sex. I'm not afraid to talk about sex, so it should be easy, right? Wrong. I had no clue what to say or do, and everything I tried just felt super cheesy.
I'd like to say I've made some improvements since, but months later, I stick suck at it. My partner and I repeat the same things over and over to each other, and all they basically amount to is "I like having sex with you." On top of that, the view of myself on-cam makes me way self-conscious. I usually have to turn off the video and keep the conversation to a bare minimum if I'm going to relax enough to have any chance of finishing. And toward that end, I usually have to resort to a toy.
I figure I can't be the only one who's just plain horrible at cyber sex, so I enlisted Astroglide's resident sexologist "Dr. Jess" O'Reilly for some much-needed advice on making cybering hotter and less awkward. Thankfully, she delivered.
Here are some tips that might improve your next long-distance sex session. I know I'll be trying them out the next time I'm out of the country.
1. Leave Your Face Out If You're Shy
If you suffer from crippling self-consciousness while cybering like I do, hiding your face from the camera might not only help but also add an element of mystery, Dr. Jess tells Bustle. "It may seem impersonal, but there is something sexy and mysterious about video-chatting with a faceless lover — especially if you’re involved in a committed, intimate relationship with the individual."
2. Break Out The Emoji
Emoji flirtation may feel more suited for Tinder, but it can also spice up a long-term relationship. "Research reveals that couples who use emojis have more sex," says Dr. Jess. "And it makes sense, as you can express a range of emotions and desires using graphics that you might be too shy to reveal in words." Plus, whipping out an emoji face is far easier for shy folks than showing your real face.
Even if you can't come up with anything seductive to say, you can get seductive with the way you say it. "You may even want to muffle your sounds using a pillow or by covering your phone with your hand so that they have to listen intently to your every word," Dr. Jess says.
4. Tease Them With Foreplay
Foreplay means something slightly different in cyber space, but it's equally important. "Send a cryptic text, a partially clothed sext, or a playful voice note to entice them before your cybersex date," Dr. Jess says. "Science suggests that the pleasure of anticipation can be as powerful as the pleasurable reward itself."
After learning these, I'm feeling much more confident in my ability to have cyber sex without bursting out laughing. How about you?