This Valentine's Day, some of us will be looking forward to romantic candlelit dinners and gift exchanges. The best part, though, is what'll happen after those activities. But how do you make Valentine's Day sex stand out from typical, everyday sex? Don't worry — there's no shortage of ways.
"For many people, Valentine's Day is a day that couples put intention and focus on their relationship," Marissa Nelson, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Sex Therapist, and founder of Intimacy Moons, tells Bustle. "Don't just focus on sex, but rather connecting on a deeper and intimate level. Don’t hold back on being affectionate — long kisses, handholding, cuddling, and taking the day to make your partner feel special. Tell them all the ways you love and appreciate them. This makes people feel valued. Long after sex fades, people remember the way their partner made them feel, and that emotional connection is what most hold dear to their heart and what opens them up to being more vulnerable and takes sex to the next level."
In other words, don't just focus on the physical. Focus on expressing your love for your partner through every single touch. As long as you keep that in mind, these tips will make your Valentine's Day sex unforgettable.
1. Start Touching Early In The Day
Foreplay starts long before you enter the bedroom. Physical affection, like cuddling and kissing, will infuse your sex life with extra emotion, says Nelson. So don't wait until you're home from dinner. Hold hands, play footsy under the table, and find other ways to make physical contact.
2. Switch Up Your Location
Sometimes, all it takes to switch up your bedroom routine is to leave, well, the bedroom. If you have the time and money, Nelson recommends planning a staycation at a hotel. Or, just pick a different part of the house and get it on on the couch, in the shower, bent over the desk, or wherever feels novel. "This makes sex feel different and gets couples out of their everyday routine," says Nelson.
3. Make Foreplay The Main Event
If your usual routine is to hop from foreplay to sex, why not switch things around and make the foreplay an end goal in of itself? "Research shows the average sexual experience lasts anywhere from three to 10 minutes, but foreplay can go on for hours!" says Nelson. "Don’t just jump straight to intercourse. Kiss, caress, use your tongue, and all of your fingers first. Pay attention to every moan, every move that person makes so you know you’re on the right track. Play and remember to have fun with one another."
4. Share Your Fantasies
Disclosing your sexual fantasies will not only give you new ideas to try in bed but also improve your emotional intimacy. "Both partners should use this day to explore their sexual fantasies and see where it takes them," says Nelson. "Role playing, exploring power and dominance, or indulging in fetish could be a transformative experience for your sex life."
5. Create Sex Coupons
This is a Valentine's gift that's totally free, Astroglide's Resident Sexologist Dr. Jess O'Reilly tells Bustle. Create a book of coupons with things like a sensual massage, oral sex, or more PG favors like breakfast in bed. That way, you'll be enjoying special Valentine's Day sex for weeks to come.
These tips could improve not just your Valentine's Day but also your whole sex life. "Often, when people say they want more sex, they just want 'better' sex or an experience that really turns them on," says Nelson. "Nothing is sexier than a partner that is turned on and really into the moment."
