Pssst: the world is scary and weird and there isn't near enough cake in it, but there is still one corner of the internet untainted by strife. While we've all been impressed by the cutting blows dealt by Wendy's Twitter, the mad pun game of KFC Twitter, and the, uh, creativity of McDonald's Twitter, it turns out that the MoonPie official Twitter account has low key been putting every other corporate food account to shame. Honestly, guys — when I die, scatter my ashes on their timeline. Assuming that I died laughing from one of their tweets.
MoonPie may not have the millions of followers that the fast food powerhouses have, but it leans into that vibe hard with its impish, sassy, and occasionally shady as heck tweets. It's kind of like that kid sister who tweaks you to remind you they're alive, but is also weirdly precious about it? In any case, you probably have already seen one of their most masterful tweets to date, which happened during the solar eclipse in August. Hostess was bold enough to declare its Golden CupCakes the "official snack of the solar eclipse" the morning of the event, which MoonPie immediately quote-retweeted with the message "lol ok".
MoonPie's Twitter account has continued to light up timelines and prove that even something that even a 100-year-old dessert (no, literally, guys; MoonPies have been around since 1917) can learn new tricks. Take my figurative hand, because we're going on a MoonPie journey together right here, right now.
Here are just a few examples of how the MoonPie Twitter will enrich your human existence (and make you weirdly crave MoonPies against your will).
Look On ~The Bright Side~
I understand this is a bot but I also understand I am v, v stressed out by its dreams not coming true. Can someone please help it?
Memes On Memes
Solar eclipse glasses for function AND fashion*.
*These are not effective for any kind of sun beholding, please save your eyeballs and get an actual pair.
Grown Ass Adult Pairings
Stranger Things, incidentally, also pairs well with KFC and an unrequited crush on Steve Harrington. (BRB, crying into a MoonPie.)
First Of All ...
If I sit on this one for too long and think about how I spend 90 percent of my day writing about memes something bad might happen to my brain, so MOVING ON ...
A Ripple In The Force
This was also the day a mysterious object that may be the first from another solar system flew into our detection radius. Coincidence? I think not.
Yikes On Ice
Who hurt them?
Sometimes you just need to Google search "Kris Jenner you're doing wonderful sweetie GIF" for self-affirmation and move on.
Millennial Slam Poetry
*wipes a single tear from mine eyes*
My favorite flavor of MoonPie, personally, is Mortality.
If we could replace the national currency with MoonPies I think we'd all be a lot better off for it, personally.
OMG, The Scandal
This is somehow more dramatic to me than the last season of Gossip Girl.
Welp, this "dog" is my new Patronus.
The Realest Of Real Sauces
To be fair, in our hearts, aren't we all brands seeking retweets and attention?
Anyway, my new Forever Mood is craving a MoonPie, which is a bizarre circumstance because I have been alive for just over a quarter of a century and never actually consumed one. In the meantime, if anybody needs me, I'll be seeking refuge from 2017 by scrolling down MoonPie's timeline into the sweet, chocolate-y, inside-out s'mores abyss.