Nick Viall Really Likes Juice Boxes

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The moment we’ve all been waiting for has arrived: The Bachelor star and turtleneck sweater wearer Nick Viall participated in the age-old tradition that is the Us Weekly “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me” feature. There are are a lot of noteworthy facts on Viall’s list (e.g., “I once won Clue on my first turn”; “I ripped my big toe off playing volleyball. Don’t worry: They reattached it”; “My favorite snack is whole-wheat toast and peanut butter topped with sliced pickles”; “I hate mayonnaise!”), but item #16 runs away with the crown. As far as I’m concerned, Viall’s 16th fact is hands down the best previously unknown fact about the Bachelor.

Get out the drum kit and make those sticks roll:

“My nickname in high school was ‘Lunches’ because I loved juice boxes that my brother thought were for children’s lunches.”

Viall’s high school nickname was Lunches. Lunches. Lunches Viall. Why hasn’t he mentioned this on The Bachelor? Or The Bachelorette? Or Bachelor in Paradise? Why have we gone this long without knowing about this terrific nickname? I wish my nickname was Lunches. Viall's nickname rules.

Viall’s brother could’ve gone a more obvious route with the moniker: Juice, Juice Box, Straw, Straw Wrapper, Straw Punch Hole, Can Also Function As An Ice Pack, etc. Instead, he went broader and thought about what the juice boxes represented: lunch. But the singular form of the noun didn’t pack enough lunch, er, punch. A nickname for Nick Viall needed more gravitas. Make it plural. *Kisses fingers like a chef.* What a masterpiece.

Here he is — the one, the only, the Nick “Lunches” Viall.

Also? I totally get Lunches’ dedication to juice boxes. Juice boxes are aces. I can’t remember the last time I had one, but I know I’ve never regretted knocking back a juice box. What's not to love about drinking sugary, fruit-flavored nectar through a tiny straw like a hummingbird? I might just pick up a pack of juice boxes the next time I’m at the grocery store. Thanks for the inspiration, Lunches.