For the month of September, Bustle’s Sex TBH package is talking about sex, honestly. We’re delving into how women approach the things they’re taught to be shy or embarrassed about in the bedroom — and, in doing so, we're liberating people to live their best (sex) lives. Let’s do it.
When it's time to have sex with someone new, chances are you have a go-to position you prefer. According to the 2017 Millennial Sex Survey by SKYN Condoms of over 3,000 sexually active men and women aged 18 to 34, most millennial singles are all about doggy style and cowgirl — but the best sex position for you totally depends on you and your partner.
"People prefer certain sexual positions for a variety of reasons," Rachel Needle, Psy.D., licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in West Palm Beach, Florida, tells Bustle. "Our preferred sexual position can say a lot about us and our sexuality. However, sometimes it's more simple than that. When a woman is first with a partner, their preferred or 'go-to' sexual position will likely be a position she is most comfortable in, gets the most pleasure from, or feels the sexiest in."
Of course, many variables are involved — the location, the mood, the time of day, how long you've known the person, and so on. Is this a one-night stand, longer-term thing, or something in between? No matter what the case, chances are you'll relate to one of the positions below.
Here are millennial women's favorite sex positions to try with new partners.
"I prefer to be on top with a new partner, because it helps me learn their style/skill in bed while still having some control."
"So I haven't had many sex partners; in fact, I can still count my partners on one hand. But I'd have to say my sex position with a new mate would be him on top. This allows him to not only take the lead, but gives me a sense of his moves... you know?!"
"It depends. If I want to seriously date this guy, I'll go the traditional missionary route. But if it's just fun for the night, I'll be into doggy style or up against the wall (me facing the wall). I think if we look at each other during sex, it's more intimate, and that's not what I'm seeking with a one-night stand."
“I’m bi, but definitely date more women than men. My favorite sex position with a new female partner is good old-fashioned oral sex. Believe it or not, there are many different ways to have oral (think of all the ways you can move your tongue and lips!), and I feel it’s a win-win for both of us every time, orgasm-wise. I also feel having an orgasm — both of us, not just one — is very important for the first time you’re with someone! It’ll keep both of you ‘coming’ back for more.”
"Reverse cowgirl is my favorite with someone new that I do not know too well. I would probably choose missionary, though, if I was into the guy becoming my boyfriend, as I feel that it really connects you with your partner."
"It depends. If I'm hooking up, then anything, really, and for some reason, hookups tend to be more wild than sex with a stable partner. With a stable partner, I feel it's gentler and more loving, clothes not as strewn about as much, and not as much hair-pulling or sex against the wall... then *that* wall... you get the idea."
"Definitely on top. I feel if I let him be on top for our first time, it gives him all the control, and he'll get used to it. But with me on top, not only will I have more control regarding my orgasm, but also our sex life overall."
"To be honest, I don't really care. Sex is sex. Maybe we come back to my place tipsy and have crazy, all-over-the-room sex. Or maybe we have the perfect date, and making out naturally leads to sex (like missionary). As long as we both get off, I'm happy."
"With a new partner, I like to be on top. This is primarily because I find a lot of guys to be selfish, sexually — they come, and then they're done! But if I'm on top, it's like saying, 'Not so fast!' — psychologically and literally."
"If I see us going anywhere, missionary, since that's the position we'd be in most frequently. Otherwise, doggy because there's no eye contact and it's just hot."
"On top, so I can orgasm."
"Call me old-fashioned, but I think missionary is the best, especially with a new partner. There's plenty of time to get crazy later, but if he and I cannot even master missionary, then there may be a problem."
"Depends on my mood, but mostly on top."
"I generally try to be on top the first time I sleep with a new partner. Guys generally enjoy it, but more importantly, I do, too. This way, I have most of the control and can dictate the pace, depth, etc. He gets a great view, and I get the stimulation I need, as I don't get off very easily. Also, if the guy isn't cool with me being on top/taking control sometimes, then he's a no-go, so it's great to test-run that ASAP."
“Personally, I like to see how adventurous a new partner is, so when it’s time for us to go to the bedroom for the first time, I show her some of my toy collection — handcuffs, vibrators, and more. If she chooses the strap-on, I know she’s for me.”
I'm sure you can relate to one of the above, and probably have your own reasons for choosing one sex position over another with a new partner. Or perhaps you vary it up, depending on the circumstances and where you see it going. Whatever the case may be, it's all about having fun and being on the same page — or between the same sheets — as your partner.