6 Tips For Girl On Top, AKA The Sex Position For Grown-Ass Women

We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off-limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, on to today’s topic: tips for enjoying girl on top — aka the "cowgirl" position

Q: I read your article about how to move during sex, but I need some serious help with being on top. My boyfriend is always asking me to get on top, but I don’t know what to do once I’m up there. I wind up hardly moving, and then I feel like an idiot. It ruins the whole experience for me. How can I stop panicking and get good at it?

A: Thanks for your question! A lot of women feel self-conscious about being on top. Which is a shame, since it’s one of the best positions for female orgasm. Here’s how to get more comfortable when you’re riding cowgirl.   

1. Give Yourself Permission To Put Your Love On Top 

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It sounds like you’re putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself to get this “right.” The thing is, there are no objective “rights” or “wrongs” to riding your partner! It would be more useful for you to focus on finding ways to make cowgirl feel good to you. I’ll give you plenty of tips and techniques, but try to remember that your goal is your own enjoyment. This should help alleviate some of your anxiety and make you feel more excited about learning.

2. Try To Forget What You Saw In Porn

One of the reasons so many women freak out about cowgirl is because of the ways it’s filmed in porn. You always see porn stars flat on their feet, bouncing up and down at breakneck speed, and slamming down with a ferocious intensity. It looks intimidating, painful, and even a little terrifying!

In reality, cowgirl is a much more relaxed position. You typically use a smaller range of motion, move slower, and grind more than bounce. Don’t let porn keep you from trying it out.

3. Practice By Yourself

If you feel really shy about experimenting with your partner, you can get a better sense of the movements by practicing on your own. Cowgirl is all about how you move your hips. Get on your knees on your bed and stuff some pillows between your legs. Try moving your hips around in a few different ways (we’ll get to some specifics in a moment). You’re going to feel a little silly, but go with it! 

Try to be playful and find the movements that feel most natural to you. If you have a wand-style vibrator, you can even hold it upright on the bed and mount it. That will give you even more of a sense of what it feels like when you move around. Another fun way to play is to watch a few YouTube belly dancing tutorials, which will help you become more aware of the different ways that you can move your hips.

Try: Alessandro Yarosi Cordless Waterproof Therapeutic Wand Massager, $45, Amazon

4. Experiment And Compare Moves

There are an endless number of ways to move your body during intercourse. The best way for you to enjoy cowgirl more is to experiment with a bunch of different styles and hone in on what feels best to you. Tell your partner, “I don’t feel that confident being on top. Can we do a few practice sessions so we can figure out what what feels best?” I’m sure they won’t mind one bit!

Have your partner lie flat on their back, and straddle them so that your legs are on each side of their body. You should be resting on your knees, with your feet pointing back towards their feet, and your body should be fairly upright. 

Take their penis or strap-on in your hand and help guide it into you. A little lube can help them slide in easier, especially if you’re feeling nervous. Lower all the way onto them. Then, slowly start rocking your hips back and forth in the direction of their head. Keep your pelvis in contact with theirs at first (remember, no bouncing unless you want to!). Then try grinding your hips in slow circles. Experiment with clockwise and counterclockwise movements. 

Next, try changing the angle of your body, which will make their penis or strap-on hit different spots inside of you. Put your hands flat on the bed on either side of their head, and lean forward towards them. Then try sitting back up again and leaning backwards slightly. Each time you try something new, compare it to the other things you've tried, and try to figure out what you like best. Ask your partner for their input, too. Say something like, “Do you like it better when I do ‘this’ or ‘this’?” That will make it feel like a sexy game that just the two of you are playing!

5. If You're Feeling Shy, Ask Them To Take The Lead

Another hot way to explore is to ask your partner to grab your hips and show you a couple of different ways to move. This takes the pressure off of you to be the only person in charge. They can guide you through different movements, speeds, and levels of penetration that might feel good to you.

6. Get The Rest Of Your Body Involved

Cowgirl is a really hot position because almost your entire body is open for exploration. Once you get a bit more comfortable with the basic movements, I highly recommend reaching your hand down and touching your clitoris as you grind against your partner. This will make it easier for you to reach orgasm, and your partner will love being able to watch. You can also ask them to touch your clitoris, or have either one of you use a vibrator on it. Your partner can play with your breasts, your butt, or your hips, and you can vamp it up by caressing your thighs or playing with your hair.

Throughout all of your explorations, keep reminding yourself to focus on finding what feels good for you. Have fun!

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our SoundCloud page.

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Images: Bustle/Caroline Wurtzel; Giphy

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