We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto this week’s topic: sex positions for women who want to dominate.
Q: “After years of feeling too self-conscious, I finally worked up the courage to get on top during sex. Turns out I LOVED it. It was such a turn-on to feel like I was in control, and my partner was at my mercy. Are there other good sex positions for women who want to take charge during sex?”
A: Thanks for the question! To get right to it, yes, there are plenty of great sex positions for women who want to dominate in bed. Too many of us fall into the trap of thinking that male partner or the penetrating partner is the one in charge. It’s really hot to flip the script and take the lead in bed for a change. Here are eight super hot positions for a woman who is ready to take control.
How to Do It: This is probably the most classic woman-in-charge position. Have your partner lie flat on the bed. Climb on top, straddling their waist, with one leg on either side of their body. Sit up straight. It’s typically easiest if you rest your weight on your knees. Don’t be shy about using your hand to guide your partner’s penis or dildo into you. From there, you can rock your hips back and forth, in circles, or even in a figure-eight shape.
Why It’s Hot: You’re completely taking the reigns in this position. You’re in charge of all of the movement, and your partner is just along for the ride.
Up the Domination Factor: Try putting the soles of your feet flat on the bed. This variation will get your thighs burning pretty quickly, but it can be a great way to up the intensity, if only for a few seconds.
2. Reverse Missionary
How to Do It: From standard Cowgirl, lie down so your body is pressed against your partner’s. Extend your legs straight, putting them on the outside of your partner’s legs. Put your hands by the sides of your partner’s body, and use them to balance your weight. Slowly grind your pelvis back and forth.
Why It’s Hot: It’s fun to play around with reversing the genders of stereotypical Missionary. The partner with a penis or dildo is usually in charge, but this time you’re taking on that role.
Up the Domination Factor: Pin your partner down using your hands, or go whole-hog with restraints, like this Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System.
3. Face Sit
How to Do It: Have your partner lay flat on their back at the top of the bed with a pillow under their head. Straddle their face, with one leg on either side of their face. It helps if you have a headboard that you can hold onto, but you can also put your hands flat on the wall. Ease your body down so you’re hovering right over your partner’s mouth. Have them perform oral sex.
Why It’s Hot: This is one of the most intense woman-in-control positions. It’s unbelievably sexy and empowering.
Up the Domination Factor: This is a great position to try out some power-play role-playing. Pretend to be a queen getting serviced by one of her subjects, or tell your partner they can’t stop until they’ve given you multiple orgasms. (Quick safety note: Make sure to agree on a safe signal if you’re role-playing, since your partner might not be able to speak clearly.)
4. Reverse Face Sit
How to Do It: Turn around, facing your partner’s feet. You’ll probably need to have your partner scoot down the bed a bit, to give you enough room for your legs.
Why It’s Hot: This 180-degree change opens up a whole new world of possibilities. Ask your partner to play with your butt as they pleasure you with their tongue.
Up the Domination Factor: Bend over and perform oral on your partner, but only if they do a “good enough” job working on you. The second they start to slip up, remove your mouth.
5. Leaning Cowgirl
How to Do It: This is a simple variation of Cowgirl, but it definitely deserves its own mention. You can change the angle of standard Cowgirl by leaning backwards, placing your hands behind you, and resting your weight on your palms. Rock your pelvis back and forth, or try rising up an inch or two and popping back down.
Why It’s Hot: This position gives your partner an amazing view. You’ll feel super sexy being so on display, but still being in control.
Up the Domination Factor: Make your partner stroke your clitoris with their fingers or a toy.
6. Sideways Saddle
How to Do It: This position is a little tricky to envision if you’ve never done it before, but it’s worth challenging your spatial skills. Have your partner lie flat on the bed, with their knees bent and their feet flat. Straddle one of their legs. You’ll be facing their thigh (so you’ll be turned away from your partner’s head), with one of your legs on either side of their legs. From there, grind up against your partner’s thigh as you rock back and forth and side to side.
Why It’s Hot: This position is included in my list of the best sex positions for female orgasm. It works amazingly well for women who like grinding action against their clitoris. You’re fully in charge, and your partner is pinned beneath you.
Up the Domination Factor: You can play up the domination by telling your partner you’re just using them to get yourself off. Get your rocks off, then leave them begging for more.
7. Reverse Cowgirl
How to Do It: This is another 180-degree change that makes a world of difference. From standard Cowgirl, turn around so you’re facing your partner’s feet. You’ll still be straddling them, just in a different direction. You can sit straight up, or lean forward and rest your weight on your hands.
Why It’s Hot: Turning around exposes you to new internal hotspots. Plus, you can taunt your partner with an amazing view of your butt.
Up the Domination Factor: Tie up your partner’s hands so they can’t touch you. Or get them right to the edge of orgasm, then stop. Repeat as many times as either one of you can stand.
8. Lap Dance
How to Do It: Have your partner sit on a sofa. Straddle them, lowering down onto your knees. Hold onto your partner’s neck, their shoulders, or the back of the sofa for leverage. Bob up and down, or grind your hips back and forth.
Why It’s Hot: You’re face to face with your partner, which can be really sexy. They can bask in all of your head-boss-in-charge energy from close up.
Up the Domination Factor: Tell your partner they’re not allowed to touch you. Or pop up onto the soles of your feet for a minute to ratchet up the intensity.
Images: Caroline Wurtzel, Mary Blount/Bustle