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The NYC Health Department Wants You To Have Kinkier Sex

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The New York City Health Department is back at it again, this time with a recommendation that you consider the glory hole. Yes, you read that correctly. Health officials are suggesting people explore kinkier sex as a way of limiting the spread of the coronavirus. On June 8, NYC Health Department released a statement to the public recommending citizens avoid face-to-face encounters, like kissing and missionary-style sex, and replacing it for the time being with activities that encourage separation, as the city enters phase one of reopening.

The memo reads, "The virus spreads through particles in the saliva, mucus, or breath of people with COVID-19, even from people who do not have symptoms." So, along with partaking in safer sex practices, which include masturbating by yourself or with a partner (perhaps even virtually), wearing protection (like a condom or a dental dam), and choosing to have sex with a live-in partner (since you share all the same germs anyway), health officials also suggest getting creative — with hard surfaces.

The recommendations include having sex that's "a little kinky" by separating yourselves with physical barriers — like walls — which can allow for sexual contact without swapping any spit. Of course, you'll be left to your own devices when fashioning a glory hole, and figuring out how to take this advice. (Maybe you could cut a circle in a shower curtain?)

Health officials also suggest wearing a face mask on a date or while having sex, so you can avoid kissing or breathing on each other, since making out and "heavy breathing and panting" can spread the virus. Not to mention, the added element of mystery.

Above all other recommendations, it's still best to avoid having any type of sex — kinky or not — if you or your partner aren't feeling well. And if you develop symptoms of COVID-19, such as a cough, fever, sore throat, or shortness of breath, to get tested as soon as possible. The most important thing to consider post-pandemic is your health, as well as the health of those around you.

But still, can you believe it took a pandemic for the release of a government-sanctioned memo imploring you to use a glory hole? This makes the department's the masturbation memo look G-rated.