Not To Be Dramatic, But The 'RHONY' Boat Ride Featured Screaming, Diarrhea & Vomit

Paul Cheney/Bravo

Near-death experiences tend to bring people closer, but, like other aspects of real life, that doesn’t seem to be true on the Real Housewives Of New York. While on vacation in Colombia, the ladies experience a boat ride from hell — complete with the boat almost capsizing. Seriously traumatizing. And while some people would, I don’t know, learn from this, the Real Housewives Of New York women returned to their regular ways after their traumatic trip.

Tinsley’s Cartagena trip was well-intentioned, but, boy, did it not deliver. At all. Ramona’s Scary Island trip back in Season 3 was entertaining to watch even though the women were all yelling and hooting and hollering — it was still fun! But no, not in Cartagena. Bethenny and Carole screamed at each other, Dorinda and Luann screamed at each other, and everyone else just tried to work around it. Sonja, bless her heart, just tried to eat as many empanadas as possible. Things were looking dicey before the boat trip, but after a day in the sun and the sand, the women had better attitudes and may have even liked each other for a minute. Yes, a whole minute. That is, until the Coast Guard called production and told them to get the heck out of there because the seas were getting choppy.

Paul Cheney/Bravo

Sonja and Bethenny immediately started losing it, Carole started puking, and there was smoke everywhere — a product of the anchor line being stuck and the captain trying to wind it up in rough seas. The ride was so bad that production had to cease so that the crew could hold on tight, as they were tossing and turning all over the boat. It turns out that if the captain hadn’t cut the anchor cord, the boat could have capsized with everyone on it (this is what the cast said in interviews, since they didn’t have footage). Seeing the fear in everyone’s eyes made it truly uncomfortable to watch.

Nerves rattled and stomachs shaken, the women had a little bit of a dinner-and-dance party when they got back to the house to celebrate the fact that they just came back from the brink of drowning in the sea. The women — now all stricken with diarrhea, mind you — celebrated life and friendship and still being on this beautiful green earth. It was a sobering moment, even though no one was sober. Cheating death seemed to put everything into perspective for the women.

Paul Cheney/Bravo

But of course, it’s not to last, because in previews for next week's episode, all of the women seem to start beating the same dead horses again. The promo hinted that Carole is possibly back to dating Adam, that Ramona was still being self centered, and that Luann and Dorinda are still mad at each other. Ugh, why can’t they all just let everything go? I realize there would be no show here if it wasn’t for some bickering between the women, but it’s sort of shocking that they only took a couple hours off from fighting after everything they went through on that boat. Severe diarrhea and seasickness should buy you at least a few days. Thinking you were going to capsize in the waters off Colombia should get a week, right? I mean, at least that.

The Real Housewives Of New York cast used to be really close, and now all of their friendships seem to be disintegrating. If a near-death experience can’t bring them back together, what can? They’ve been through a lot together, and a scary collective experience should be enough to get them to snap out of it. Otherwise, next season, production may need to look for some women in the Big Apple who actually like each other.