Have you wandered into your bathroom and thought, “Gee, you know what this place is missing? A gold toilet seat!”? No? I mean, I don’t blame you; that’s not typically where my brain goes when I’m taking care of business, either. But if that is something that’s been on your mind from time to time, no matter how idly, good news! Urban Outfitters has a Gold-Flecked Toilet Seat hidden away in its Bathroom Accessories section. And honesty? I would expect nothing else from a place that also sells a wine glass holder specifically for your shower. We all deserve the classiest bathroom experience possible, do we not?
(We do. The answer to that question is, we all. Absolutely. Do.)
Urban Outfitters’ delightfully extra toilet seat begins with something simple — clear plastic — and bumps it up a notch with a “gold-flecked design and hinging structure,” according to the product listing. Hardware is included, too, making the seat a cinch to install. It comes in two sizes, small and large; the small one will set you back $69, while the large one costs $10 more at $79.
Oh, and as the product description puts it, “Doing your business has never looked so glam.”
I think that’s my favorite part of this whole thing.
The fact that the sparkly seat comes in two sizes matters, though — it means you’ll have to measure the toilet you intend to use it with in order to determine which one to buy. To determine the correct size seat, you’ll need to take three measurements, according to the unexpectedly helpful website Toilet Seat Finder: First, measure the distance between the post holes at the rear of the seat area (for toilets in the United States, this measurement is typically around five and a half inches); then, measure the width of the toilet bowl at its broadest point; and lastly, measure the length of the bowl from the centermost point at the front to the center of the hinges between the post holes at the rear.
However, you’ll also have to determine the correct shape. Per Toilet Seat Finder, toilets in the United States usually come in two shapes: Round and elongated. For round seats, the third measurement detailed above — the one from the front center of the bowl to the center of the hinges at the back — is usually around 16 and a half inches; for elongated seats, however, it’s usually about 18 inches.
It’s not totally clear whether the Gold-Flecked Toilet Seat is a round seat or an elongated one, but now that you know how to measure a toilet bowl, you should be to figure out if either of the sizes offered will fit your toilet. The small seat measures 15.25 inches long by 14.25 inches wide; the long one, meanwhile, measures 18 inches long by 14.25 inches wide.
(My sense going by those measurements is that the small seat is round, while the large one is elongated; I could be wrong, though, so don’t take assumption as gospel truth.)
During my eight years as a professional writer, I have written about a lot of ridiculous and hilarious bathroom accessories. I’m honestly not totally sure how it happened, but it’s ended up being one of the unexpected bright spots of putting words on the internet for a living. I kind of thought I’d seen the best it was going to get when I came across that unicorn toilet paper — but, uh, folks? I think this golden toilet seat might have actually topped it. Because, I mean… it turns your toilet into an actual golden throne. That’s amazing.
Want it? Head to Urban Outfitters and it can be yours. Since it’s over $50, it qualifies for free standard shipping; if you decide to get one for yourself, expect it to arrive in about five to seven business days.
Have fun, kids. Just remember: In the game of thrones, you live or you die.