According to my parents, I'm on a permanent vacation. This, of course, isn't true. (Although I wish it were.) Instead, as a freelancer, I find myself over here for a couple months, over there for a few weeks and, thanks to the time difference between New York and the countries I spend my time in, it does feel like I'm on vacation sometimes. What this means for me is my life is an endless array of vacation hookups. In theory, vacation hookups are the best. I've found, at least in my personal experience, that because I know I'm leaving I'm more likely to be sexually adventurous.
I thought maybe I was alone in this until it was confirmed to me by a friend who lives in a very touristy city in Italy: "You wouldn't believe what the women will do in bed when they're only here for a week and don't plan to see you again." Actually, being one of those women, I do. In fact, according to a MissTravel survey, most singles have had a one-night stand on vacation at some point. And, almost 90 percent of singles are more likely to hook up in a foreign destination.
While vacation hookups, if you play it right, can be more positive than negative, it doesn't mean they're not without their drawbacks. Here are some things I wish I knew about vacation hookups before I delved into them.
1. It Can Be Almost Too Intense
When you have a week or two to hookup with someone, you want to get it all in before you leave. What this means is that it can get intense stat, especially when you're experimenting with things sexually that might be new to you. Before you know it, it will seem like you've had a whole relationship in the matter of a couple weeks. But sometimes intense is a great thing, especially on vacation.
2. It Can Mess With Your Emotions
The outcome of almost ever vacation hookup I've ever had? Wondering if I'm in love. All I have to do is sleep with someone more than twice in some fantastic city that's not my own, with some wine in my veins and the sparkle of the stars in the sky, and I start planning our lives together, because, ugh, emotions. While I know the feelings are fleeting, it doesn't stop them from boiling up and spilling over, every damn time.
3. You Can Forget Who You Are
When you're in a different place, with your brain on vacation, you can forget who you are. So many times I've pretended, not on purpose, to be something I'm not with my vacation hookups simply because I'm not living in reality while on vacation. This can be really fun... until you forget what absurdity you've told and don't stick the story. Case in point (and true story): "I said I lived in San Francisco for a year? Weird. I must have been joking, so no, I can't give your friend recommendations." I've spent a total of about three weeks in San Francisco in my whole life.
4. They Can Forget Who They Are
Even if your hookup isn't on vacation, but is a local to the place where you're vacationing, they too can get caught up and forget who they are. I can't even tell you the "alternative facts" I've been told by men with whom I've hooked up. Sure, some aren't alternative facts, but that guy who told me he was nominated for a Palme d'Or, the French equivalent to an Academy Award, was probably lying. But, hey, if I went to Harvard, have lived in San Francisco, and own a beach house in the Vineyard, then all's fair in love and war.
5. Trying To Keep In Touch Can Be Fruitless
Once the vacation hookup is over, there may be a chance that you'll want to keep in touch. Not just because you had a good time, but because you might want to keep them around in case you plan to visit the same vacation spot again in the future. At first, keeping in touch might seem easy, but after a couple weeks, contact will get less and less. You can even try to keep things spicy with sexting — a boob shot here, some graphic sexual scenarios there — but you may realize it's going nowhere.
6. You May Think About Them Longer Than You Probably Should
While a one-night stand may have you forgetting their name within 24 to 48 hours, if you have a vacation-long hookup, forgetting them will be a bit harder. If you have one of those intense connections, as I mentioned, you may find yourself on their Facebook two months later wondering why they have to be so sexy — something I did just five minutes ago with a past vacation hookup.
A hookup is a hookup, vacation or otherwise, meaning it's not meant to last — which is also why it's so great. Relationships can get messy and complicated, and people can end up hurt. But a vacation hookup, because you know that's what it is, is a different ballgame. And sometimes, it's just exactly what you need.