I interrupt your workday to bring you a Twitter thread that will have you laughing until you wet your pants — your... squarepants. Writer, comedian, and activist Celeste Yim took to the social media platform to start what could prove to be the greatest debate of 2018: what kind of sponge is SpongeBob SquarePants? Bear with me. You're not going to regret this.
Everyone knows the famous nautical sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea, absorbent and yellow and porous is he. *Ahem* anyway... Yim opened the conversation with a startling realization she had just made that I'm sure turned her world upside down: SpongeBob SquarePants could potentially be a sea sponge. Obvi, she thought he was a dish sponge, like that smelly thing sitting on the edge of my kitchen sink that I probably should have thrown out and replaced a week ago.
Her friends were baffled, asking how she thought he could breathe under water, if he wasn't a sea sponge. Allow me to explain the science behind how sea creatures breathe underwater:
IT'S A CARTOON SPONGE THAT TALKS.
Despite this being, what is to me, a complete no-brainer, a nail-biting debate ensued. Yim and her followers argued both sides of the equation, presenting various facts and rebuttals over SpongeBob's identity as either a kitchen sink sponge or a sea sponge.
To be honest, the thought never even occurred to me that SpongeBob could be a sea sponge. What IS a sea sponge, anyway? (For the record, it's these things.)
I'd like to point out SpongeBob looks nothing like that. Now, let's continue. Here are some of the facts.
Team Dish Sponge
The arguments in favor of SpongeBob as a dish sponge are plentiful and convincing. First, there's the show's depiction of SpongeBob and Patrick on dry land. Why, that looks like your standard dish sponge to me.
And then there are his parents, who — as this tweeter points out — look like loofahs. I always thought they were potatoes, but loofahs make more sense. Either way, they're definitely not sea sponges.
Then, of course, we have the SpongeBob Broadway musical, during which performers sing a song called, "Just a Simple Sponge," and wave dish sponges in the air.
Lastly, I'm just going to leave this right here.
Team Sea Sponge
I feel bad for Team Sea Sponge. Really. Argue this side all you want — the evidence is weak, at best. Sure. Okay. Fine. This person made a semi-good point.
And then there's this, although this claim is unfounded and to this person I say SHOW ME THE EVIDENCE.
I wholeheartedly side with Yim here. One Google search cannot, will not, does not suffice. But, do with this what you will.
Although to be fair, she came back with a slightly more convincing theory, but only slightly.
One argument was that SpongeBob is indeed a sea sponge, but the illustrators got lazy or something, so they just drew him as a kitchen sink sponge anyway.
It hurts me to have to do this — just kidding! I love it — but this is an open and shut case. Yim polled her followers, and the Twitterverse has spoken. *Drumroll*...
I'd like to know more about the 28 percent who still voted for sea sponge, even with all the compelling evidence pointing to the contrary. For now, I will keep to myself.
This whole conversation feels reminiscent of the debate surrounding Nintendo's Toad, and whether his mushroom is part of his head or a hat. (Nintendo settled that one, BTW.) I guess when you're talking about mushrooms that can drive cars and sponges that flip burgers, everything is open to interpretation.
But for real. He's a sink sponge.