What To Do When You're No Longer Attracted To Your Partner, According To A Relationship Expert

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

About a year into my marriage, I started to realize I was no longer attracted to my husband. At first, I thought it was a phase. He was unemployed at the time and I had become the breadwinner, while he searched for a job. ("Searched," being a term I use very loosely, because it's hard to search for anything when your days are spent napping and watching TV.) I was so convinced that it had to be a phase, one that would pass once he had his act together, because it didn't make sense to me that the desire I had for him, that was once so deep and insatiable, could be gone.

But somewhere along the line I realized a painful fact: it wasn't a phase and what attraction I once had for him wasn't coming back. It was far more complicated than he just being unemployed. "Lack of attraction is a loaded dynamic," bestselling author and relationship expert, Susan Winter, tells Bustle. "It’s a lot more complex than attraction to your partner’s physical appearance. It holds deep significance. There’s been a palpable shift in your relationship, and this is the outcome."

Although, for some, a lack of attraction can be a phase, for others, it may mean your heart isn't in the relationship anymore. But whether it's a phase or isn't, once the epiphany hits, it's time to decide what's next for your relationship.

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