Why Bedtime Sex Is Totally Overrated

Ashley Batz/Bustle

What's the best time to have sex? I'm going to put it out there and say that I think having sex right before bed is actually the most overrated time to get down and dirty. Bear with me.

Part of this realization has come from my schedule changing recently, where me and my partner being up way earlier than either of us are used to — and therefore being really tired by the time late evening rolls around. As in, ready to face plant into the pillow as soon as it's anywhere close to bedtime. But also, we both value having an active sex life. So we've become more creative about when we have sex. But to be honest, I've always been more in favor of sex at other times of day.

Think about it— having sex at any other time just makes everything so much more exciting. Take morning sex, for example. Morning sex feels naughty and then you start your entire day off in a great mood. “Once you get your morning cup of tea or joe, crawl back into bed for a quickie with your partner or favorite vibrator. Morning sex can be the perfect way to start your morning off on the right foot," Sherry Ross, MD, OB/GYN and Women’s Health Expert, tells Bustle. Sounds perfect to me.

Not convinced? Here's what sex right before sleep is so overrated.


You're Tired AF

Let's start with the obvious. It's the end of the day. You've had a long day. You've probably washed your face or brushed your teeth — all the things that tells your brain it's time for sleep. Your whole body is aching for the pillow. Are you really going to have your best sex when your body wants to sleep? No. You're going to put in minimal effort, and have some perfunctory sex, then hit the hay. Having sex at a different time of day means you can get your shut-eye and your fun time.


You Fall Asleep Before Post-Sex Fun

A lot of the fun in sex comes after sex. The cuddling, talking chat, even the post-sex glow where you feel all relaxed and happy. Why would you want to sleep through that? Wouldn't you want that feeling to carry on through your awake hours? Don't let it go to waste.


You'll Only Have Time For A Single Round

Sex marathon? Probably not if you're not having sex until 11 p.m.. You may have had sex over and over at the beginning of the relationship, but now it's just going to be a quickie and lights out. Why not take advantage of a lazy afternoon on a weekend or the downtime you would normally be watching TV and spend a few lovely, relaxed hours instead?


You're Probably Just Doing It Because It's The Default

That's when you're supposed to have sex, right? Right before bed. It's so uninspired. And having sex at a time where you're just going through the motions means that your sex is more likely to feel like you're just going through the motions. “Being spontaneous is key," Dr. Draion M. Burch, OBGYN and Astroglide TTC Sexual Health Advisor, tells Bustle. And there's nothing spontaneous happening when you're already in your PJs.


You're More Likely To Bail

OK, probably the worst thing about sticking to late-night sex is that you're more likely to just skip it. So many of my friends whose sex lives have waned or who complain about not having enough sex say it's because they're just too tired at the end of the day. That means that slowly but surely, they end up having less and less sex. And that's the main problem.

If you feel like you're just too tired at the end of the day, try having sex as soon as you're both home from work— or set your morning alarm 20 minutes early. When you have a little more energy, it's so much more likely to happen.

If sex right before sleep works for you, go for it, but know that it's not the only option if you're finding it difficult. Mixing up the times can make the sex more exciting and keep your sex life active, no matter how busy your days are.