You’re working non-stop and you're tired, to say the least, when you get home. You’re excited to see your significant other and you have a big night planned. But then you settle into the couch and exhaustion sets in. You both fall asleep, fully clothed. But don’t despair — there are ways to incorporate sex into your everyday routine. After all, many experts say sex is vital to maintain a healthy, romantic relationship.
“Keeping love and sex alive in your relationship is what keeps the relationship alive,” Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (aka "Dr. Romance"), psychotherapist and author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together , tells Bustle. “It’s like the roots that feed the tree. To keep that vital energy going, and the sap rising, you need to provide something new and interesting. Seduction can be as simple as causing your partner to ask what you’ve been doing that has you so energized and interested. When you’re enthusiastic, you’re seductive — it’s the most attractive we can be.”
But how can you prevent the seduction of the couch, you may be wondering, especially when temperatures are getting colder and colder and your blanket is so inviting? Here's how to bring sex into your everyday routine so it doesn’t fall by the wayside.
1. Spontaneity Is Key
“Being spontaneous is key," Dr. Draion M. Burch , OB/GYN and Astroglide TTC Sexual Health Advisor, tells Bustle. "Quickies on your lunch break can be fun, but don’t skip out on the foreplay. Foreplay starts with simple things: kissing, caressing, touching every part of each other’s bodies. You can have sex with your partner before starting your work day, during your breaks, during lunch, or even after work. Visit your partner at their job for a little excitement. FaceTime him or her during the day to build the heat."
Susan Winter, relationship expert and bestselling author of Allowing Magnificence, agrees. “Predictability is the #1 passion-killer," she says. "Over time, we know every move in our partner’s collection of sexual dance steps. And, they’ve learned ours. The key to creating ongoing sexual passion lies in breaking the ‘predictability factor.’ Couples can easily fall into a routine of when they have sex; only evenings, or on the weekends. Shake it up. Take an unexpected break from putting away the dishes. They won’t feel like a chore after you’ve made love. In the middle of a movie? You can always press stop and resume watching later.”
2. Have A Morning Quickie
“Once you get your morning cup of tea or joe, crawl back into bed for a quickie with your partner or favorite vibrator. Morning sex can be the perfect way to start your morning off on the right foot," Sherry Ross, MD, OB/GYN and women’s health expert, tells Bustle.
3. Take A Shower Together
“The truth is, you have to put in time and energy and make a conscious effort to sustain the relationship and the passion," Rachel Needle, Psy.D., licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in West Palm Beach, Florida, tells Bustle. "When physical touch and intimacy gets put on the back burner in a relationship, oftentimes other things do, as well. Make a conscious effort to continue to touch and connect physically. You can plan to wake up earlier several times a week to have sex or include your partner in your morning or evening shower.”
4. Try Some Midday Phone Sex
“With or without your partner, there are ways to incorporate sex into your daily routine," Dr. Ross says. "For instance, phone sex can happen at any point with your partner. It’s a creative, and often unexpected, way to enjoy sex anytime of day. Your partner will also be pleasantly surprised by this unpredicted phone call!”
5. Try Some Sexting
Can't talk? Send a dirty text. “Sexual intimacy or sexual closeness need not be a physical act," Dr. Michael Krychman, Executive Director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine and co-author of The Sexual Spark: 20 Essential Exercises to Reignite the Passion, tells Bustle. "It can be an emotionally intimate act. Sexting or sending pics may keep the fiery passion!"
6. Have Sex Outside The Bedroom
“Spontaneous sex outside of the bedroom breaks the pattern of sameness and transforms the monotony of errands into exciting adventures," Winter says. "From department store changing rooms to restaurant bathrooms, a variety of options are available to reboot your sex life. The only thing required is imagination.”
7. Kiss Like You Mean It
“Sex can be incorporated into your everyday routine," Dr. Needle says. "Now, that doesn’t mean you have to have sex every day, but making an effort to touch and kiss passionately (not just peck, but with tongue and all) every day will help you to feel more connected to your partner. Having sex regularly can do the same, so make it a regular part of your week.”
8. Have A Lunch Date… With A Sex Toy
“A lunch break with your vibrator is a great way to change the monotony of your work day and help relieve work stress quickly and easily," Dr. Ross says.
9. Do Research To Get New Sex Ideas
“There’s merit in being a lifelong learner," Winter says. "Why not apply this standard to your sex life? Read articles on sexual technique and try out new discoveries with your partner. Vary your touch, style of contact, and physical tempo. Explore a variety of ways to become fluent in the language of physical love.”
10. Add A Massage To Bedtime
11. Do Things You Did At The Beginning Of Your Relationship
“Romance has been blown out of proportion in our culture. It is a momentary, fleeting thing, and it does add excitement to your relationship, but it’s not a way of life," Dr. Tessina says. "You can’t keep it going every moment through the stress and business of everyday life. However, it is a very useful tool to reassure each other that you are still in love. Whenever there’s a lack of romance or excitement between you, re-charge your connection and celebrate your mutual love, affection, and desire with these events and rituals:
- One evening a week, have a ‘date’ and do things you did when you first met.
- Have breakfast in bed or a romantic picnic in the park.
- Send a card, a plant, flowers, cologne, or other present for no special occasion
- Take a class together in something you’ll enjoy (mountain climbing, dancing, skiing, acting, rollerblading, pottery making, painting, stained glass, sailing, swimming, cooking, etc.) or get involved in your community to create new experiences together.
- Arrange a date, a present, a surprise, a joke or a hug when your partner needs a boost.
- Meet at a singles bar and pretend to pick each other up.
- Take a special vacation to a romantic spot together.”
As Dr. Ross says, “Sex should be a #1 priority for you and your partner or for you by yourself. It keeps the candle burning brightly for you and your partner and has many health benefits, which should not be ignored.”