The key to making a great dessert even better is fairly simple: take aforementioned dessert, and then make it really, really freaking huge. For instance, do you know anyone on this mortal plane who would day no to the giant deep dish chocolate chip cookie at Trader Joe's? A human with a beating heart who could turn away from a mega-sized three tier unicorn cake? If such a person even exists, then even they will not be able to turn away from the glory that is this — drumroll please — five pound gigantic cinnamon roll, which just launched on Wolferman's website today.
The dessert, which is quite literally called Gigantic Cinnamon Roll (call me by your ridiculous dessert name and I'll call you by mine), arrives as 80 ounces of cinnamon roll dough, complete with 12 ounces of cream cheese frosting. For perspective, the Grands cinnamon rolls we all know and love that come in those tubes that make a FWOOP noise that is so '90s it hurts? A can of eight of them is 12.4 ounces, meaning they come in at about 1.55 ounces apiece. According to my arch nemesis math, that means this giant cinnamon roll is quite literally over 50 times the size of a normal cinnamon roll.
Somebody hold me.
Not that anyone ever really needs an excuse to put the word "gigantic" in front of a dessert, but this creation does, in fact, have a higher purpose. Wolferman's explains on their product page that, in celebration of Cinnamon Roll Day (April 10, guys — WRITE IT DOWN), they are attempting to break the Guinness World Record for the World's Largest Cinnamon Roll. According to Guinness World Records, the current champion clocks in at a whopping 609 pounds, courtesy of Second Floor Bakery in 2013. It was six feet in diameter and seven inches tall. You guys, that is the size of a literal mattress. You could have fallen asleep on a cinnamon roll in 2013 if you'd lived your best life.
All this is to say: if Wolferman's succeeds, there is going to be a cinnamon roll in existence that is at least 610 pounds soon. And honestly, even if they don't make it to the weight minimum, I think we can all agree this is a win-win situation. No matter what happens, in the end there is a gargantuan amount of cinnamon roll to be consumed (a cause I would gladly offer my support in, should the need arise).
The Gigantic Cinnamon Roll retails on Wolferman's for $49.99, and if it lights your proverbial fire, you'd better move fast — this item is limited edition.
If giant cinnamon rolls are less your speed, though (first of all, how dare), you can be the captain of your own cinnamon roll destiny with the "Create Your Own" option on Wolferman's website, which retails for $46.99. It lets you pick three different trays of their famous rolls so you can mix and match, including their Nutty Sticky Buns, Maple-Glazed Monkey Bread, Caramel Apple Sticky Buns, and, of course, the Classic Cinnamon Rolls.
Regardless of how you choose to celebrate Cinnamon Roll Day — be it decking your hair out in a majestic set of Leia buns, baking your own version of cinnamon rolls, or going to town on a gigantic five pound goliath of dough — I think we can all rest a little easier knowing that there is about to be a cinnamon roll so large that even the Hulk couldn't punch his way through it soon. Fingers crossed for that world record, y'all. Giant cinnamon rolls can only make the world a better place.
