You're rolling around, and it feels
amazing. The tension is rising, clothes are coming off, and you're super into it. But as things start to progress, you notice you're not getting a ton of physical sensation during penetrative sex. It's not unenjoyable per se, but it's nothing to alert the group chat about. Of course, knowing some ways to enjoy penetration more would really send your sex to the next level.
First things first, there's nothing "wrong" with your body. While rom-coms sometimes show couples orgasming after three seconds, the majority of people with vaginas need extra clitoral or inner-vaginal stimulation to finish. According to a 2018 study from Chapman University of 52,588 Americans,
women are more likely to orgasm when sex includes foreplay, fingering, oral, and good communication. If you're wondering why you can't feel pleasure sexually or how to make yourself more sensitive down there, the first step could be setting the mood.
"If a woman isn’t fully aroused to have sex, she won’t be wet, and sex might hurt," NYC-based intimacy expert and relationship coach
Lia Holmgren tells Bustle. According to Holmgren, getting in the mood (and grabbing extra lube) are the first steps toward having more sensational sex.
From switching up positions to grabbing a toy, here are five ways to make penetrative sex feel better for you.
1 Delay Your Orgasm...
If you're a
pillow princess (or just orgasm during foreplay), you might find yourself finishing before having penetrative sex. Even though you enjoy coming early and often, if you're not getting a ton of sensation from penetration, Holmgren suggests putting off your orgasm until later in the hookup.
"If you come before penetration, the excitement can be gone," Holmgren says. "You might be wet, but you won’t be enjoying penetration sex too much."
Rather than orgasming before having penetrative sex, Holmgren suggests trying to orgasm during intercourse, using your hands or a toy on your clitoris as your partner is entering you. Additionally, having your partner finger you or use a toy on you after having penetrative sex may provide you with more sensation.
2 Take The Edge Off
Although you may not want to orgasm fully before penetration, getting close beforehand can increase your sensation. Holmgren recommends
edging, or stimulating your clit to get really close to orgasm, backing off, and repeating. "You can be teased with toys, tongue, or fingers," says Holmgren. "Let yourself come close to the orgasm with clitoral stimulation, then stop and do it, again and again, multiple times, when you might be so excited, begging for penetration." 3 Discover Which Parts Of Your Vagina Are The Most Sensitive
If you haven't poked around your vagina in a while — consider this an invitation. While
medical experts still debate the existence or location of the "G-spot," finding what feels right for you is no debate at all.
If you enjoy internal-stimulation of the upper front wall of the vagina (whether you call it your G-Spot or not), try stimulating that area during sex, either with your hands, your partner's hand, or a curved dildo like the
Njoy Pure Wand. You can also experiment with your anterior fornix, also known as the "A-spot," which is located on the front wall of the vagina, near the cervix. This area can be stimulated with very deep penetration.
Another vaginal sexy spot you don't often hear about is the Cul-De-Sac, says
sexologist Dr. Jess O'Reilly. "Located opposite the A-Spot on the back wall of the vagina at its deepest point, this sensitive region is associated with dual stimulation of the vagina and the rectum," Dr. O'Reilly tells Bustle. "As the uterus tents upward during a sexual response, the Cul-de-Sac may become more responsive to pressure and stimulation." 4 Stimulate Your Clitoris
It bears repeating:
Most people with vaginas won't finish from just penetration. According to a 2019 study from the Ruth and Bruce Rappaport Faculty of Medicine, only a quarter of women regularly orgasm through intercourse alone. The bulk of vagina-owners need clitoral stimulation, even during penetrative sex, to really feel a sensation.
To try clitoral stimulation during intercourse, consider switching up your position. Something like the
coital alignment technique lets your clitoris rub against your partner's penis, strap-on, or toy. Using a "partner toy" or a sex toy designed for use during penetrative sex (like Dame Products' Eva or WeVibe's Sync) may feel good, too. Frankly, any toy that brings you pleasure can be used during partnered sex to give you more sensation — wands, suction toys, you name it. Your hands can also be a great tool: Stimulating your clit as your partner enters you or having your partner stimulate your clit during penetration can give you extra sensation. 5 Explore Other Kinds of Stimulation
Centering sex around penetration is tired. The year is 2021, and you've got a whole a*s body to work with. If you're not getting a lot of sensation vaginally, explore your body and discover where you
do experience sensation.
"Play with your nipples, press on your perineum, kiss with passion, or engage in any other physical activity that is pleasurable during penetration," Dr. O'Reilly says. "You’ll likely find that multi-tasking is exciting and may help you to associate penetration with the experience of pleasure over time."
And if you find that penetration just doesn't do it for you, that's OK too.
"You may not enjoy penetration because it’s simply not your cup of tea," says Dr. Jess. "Your personal tastes need no justification. You are the expert of your own body and your own individual preferences. You do not have to learn to enjoy any specific sex act to align your sex life with heteronormative cultural norms."
Experts: Dr. Jess O'Reilly, sexologist Lia Holmgren, NYC-based intimacy expert and relationship coach Studies: Frederick DA, John HKS, Garcia JR, Lloyd EA. Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample. Arch Sex Behav. 2018 Jan;47(1):273-288. doi: 10.1007/s10508-017-0939-z. Epub 2017 Feb 17. PMID: 28213723. Jannini EA, Buisson O, Rubio-Casillas A. Beyond the G-spot: clitourethrovaginal complex anatomy in female orgasm. Nat Rev Urol. 2014 Sep;11(9):531-8. doi: 10.1038/nrurol.2014.193. Epub 2014 Aug 12. PMID: 25112854.