Upon Further Inspection
Some Men Are Allergic To Their Orgasms. What If Women Were, Too?
I mean, the medical community loves to take women's healthcare seriously.
Horrible news. On top of everything else going wrong in the world, men — of all people — are capable of being allergic to their own orgasms. Indeed, post-orgasmic illness syndrome can cause flu-like symptoms as a result of an allergic or autoimmune response to sperm. Doctors believe this is caused by testicular injuries that allow the sperm to make its way into the bloodstream. Fortunately, even though there are only 60 identified cases worldwide, scientists already have a way to help patients reduce their symptoms by up to 90%. That’s wonderful. We don’t want to discount how happy we are that five dozen men can come joyfully again. I only wonder how doctors would react if they discovered women were allergic to their own orgasms…
“Are you sure it’s not anxiety? Sometimes sexual pleasure makes women nervous, since they’re not used to it.”
“Are you sure it was an orgasm? Because from what you’re describing, it doesn’t sound like anything I’ve seen on Pornhub.”
“It could be dairy. Have you been drinking a lot of milk? If so, it’s probably that, and if not, your bones may wither and die soon. But please, if you have a baby, breast-feed.”
“Have you considered not getting a fever after an orgasm?”
“Have you considered not having sex?”
“A lot of women don’t like sex. It’s a non-issue.”
“Try taking a Xanax before and after every sexual interaction. Oh, it makes you fall asleep? Mix it with Red Bull.”
“Are you sure you have a fever? I know I’m the one who just told you that you have a fever. But are you sure?”
“Maybe you’re just love-sick.”
“This is an issue we’ll get to after we investigate endometriosis. Considering we just decided it was a real thing, that should happen in about 2050.”
“Could you try having a vaginal orgasm next time? That might help. Have you heard of the G-spot?”
“How much do you weigh?”
“Sure, we can research this, but that’s time taken away from pediatric oncology. Do you not care about children?”
“Hmmm… your vitals seem OK. The only issue is how you feel? That’s not really my purview.”
“Your husband is still able to finish, right? So it’s not a fertility issue?”
“Are you still able to successfully give head?”
“But how was it for him?”
