When it comes to dating, one of the first things people tend to look for early on is chemistry. It's that special thing that draws you to someone and creates a natural flow between you. Many times, you can easily tell if you have chemistry with someone on a
first date or not. But according to experts, there are also subtle signs of chemistry that are worth paying attention to.
“Generally people tend to know early on if they share chemistry with someone,” psychologist and relationship expert,
Dr. Cortney Warren, Ph.D., tells Bustle. “But it’s also very easy to allow initial judgements to keep us from getting to know people.”
According to Warren, many tend to believe that chemistry is just about that physical pull and
attraction towards someone. If you’re looking for something casual, having that type of chemistry from the start is important.
But if you’re looking for something more serious and long-term, you can have
chemistry with someone in other ways. “Focusing on things like shared interests, values, and beliefs will help determine long-term compatibility,” Warren says.
Even your initial connection with someone wasn’t very strong, over time, you may find out that you have more chemistry than you thought. Here are some easy-to-miss signs you have good chemistry with someone early on, according to experts.
1 Making Eye Contact Isn't Awkward
making eye contact is an easy way to connect with anyone. But in some situations, it can leave you feeling pretty awkward. So if making eye contact with your new partner feels natural and comfortable, “This is an easy tell that you two have good chemistry,” Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Bustle. Maintaining eye contact is a great way to show someone you're interested in them, and it also helps to create a sense of intimacy. 2 You're Comfortable Being Yourself Around Them
Having good chemistry with someone doesn't have to mean that you two are intensely drawn to each other. As
Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy, tells Bustle, “Some people expect to feel their heart pounding and butterflies in their stomach to indicate good attraction and chemistry with someone.” But that isn't really true. Feeling a sense of comfort around someone may not be as exciting as getting butterflies in your stomach, but this type of chemistry can help you set up a good foundation for a future romantic relationship. 3 You're Hyper Aware Of Their Touch
When you have good chemistry with someone, you’re naturally going to find ways to get physically closer and maybe even touch. “Continuously catching yourself getting a rush from their hand grazing yours, or even a playful touch on the arm from laughing, shows that you enjoy their company on a more romantic level,” Trombetti says. When you get excited from touching them, whether on purpose or by accident, it’s a sign that the physical chemistry is definitely there.
4 You Can't Stop Smiling And Laughing When You're With Them
If you can’t stop smiling or laughing whenever you’re around someone, you’re already off to a great start. “Being around your new partner should prompt contagious smiles and laughter,” Trombetti says. “Having the same sense of humor shows that two people think alike and are very compatible with each other.” It shows that you can be happy and just enjoy each other’s company without really having to do anything. According to Trombetti, this is a good sign that you two have a natural chemistry.
5 You See Them As One Of Your Friends
There’s nothing wrong with seeing a potential partner as “just a friend” early on. A lot of successful
relationships start off as friendships. If you don’t feel a strong romantic connection early on, but you do enjoy spending time with them, that’s totally OK. According to Trombetti, “The fact that you want to hang out with them and enjoy their company means there is chemistry there — remember that a romantic connection takes time to grow sometimes.” 6 Time Flies When You're Together
When you’re on a date with someone who doesn’t really interest you, it might feel like it lasts forever. But if you’re hanging out with someone and time just flies, that’s a good sign you two have great chemistry. “Having a good conversation and a good connection will make everything else disappear, including the sense of time,”
Diana Venckunaite, certified life and relationship coach, tells Bustle. “You’re captured by the ease of everything unfolding right in front of you, finding things in common, and you have a curiosity to see what’s next.” This goes back to feeling at ease and comfortable with them. When you can spend time talking for hours, you’ll really have an opportunity to get to know each other in-depth. 7 You Notice The Small Things Others Typically Miss
Nobody else noticed that they parted their hair a different way or that they’re not as happy as they usually appear to be, but you do. “When you are interested in someone, you notice the small changes and you remember things that they said or told you — nothing gets past you,”
Holly Schiff, PsyD., licensed clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. “You feel the chemistry which makes you inclined to pay more attention to this person.” 8 You're Learning New Things
Chemistry is not all about physical compatibility and attraction. As
Dr. Anna Hiatt Nicholaides, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships, tells Bustle, chemistry comes in many forms. You’ll know there’s good chemistry with someone if they’re pushing you to be the very best version of yourself. “This might sound like a tall order, but compatible couples are always challenging one another on a variety of levels,” Nicholaides says. “If you’re having an easy time coming up with questions to ask, that’s surefire evidence this person feels compelling to you and there’s intellectual compatibility.” 9 Your Body Responds Well To Them
It's always important to pay attention to what your body is telling you. For instance, do you always feel like touching them? Do you feel yourself facing toward them, making eye contact, and leaning forward? Would you come closer if they wanted to be near you? “If your date is someone you can picture hugging or snuggling, that’s the best clue you have good physical chemistry,” Nicholaides says. “You should always watch for your more basic physical feelings of desire, attraction, and intrigue. If these feelings aren’t there, don’t push it.” You can’t force yourself to feel a certain way about anyone.
10 When You’re With Them, You’re Very Focused On Them
When you’re out together, it’s easy to get distracted by what’s happening around you. But if you’re with someone and there’s good chemistry, you have no problem staying focused on the person you’re with. “The biggest sign of chemistry between two people is the difficulty in shifting attention to any other thing,” psychiatrist
Amelia Alvin, tells Bustle. “You don’t let anything from your surroundings distract you.” 11 You’re Thinking About Them More And More
People you have good chemistry with will always stick out in your mind because those kinds of connections don’t happen all the time. If you find yourself thinking about them non-stop and you can’t wait for the next time you’ll see them, that’s a good sign that you two have chemistry, neuropsychologist
Dr. Sanam Hafeez Ph.D. tells Bustle. 12 You Can Sit Together In Silence
When you have chemistry with someone, you don’t need to force anything — including awkward small talk. You can sit together in silence and not feel weird about it. “Instead, you may feel a sense of comfort knowing they’re with you, no matter what you’re doing,” Hafeez says.
13 You Respect Each Other’s Boundaries
If you’re talking about a sensitive subject, they don’t push for more information. They don’t try to get more physical with you if you say you’re not ready, and you respect their
need for alone time every now then. “When your boundaries are understood, accepted and protected, you truly become each other's best friends, and the chemistry between ‘best friends’ makes for a superb relationship,” Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, licensed marriage and family therapist and author, tells Bustle. 14 You’re Eager To Be Touched By Them
If you find yourself wanting to be physically close at all times, that’s a really good indicator of chemistry. “Wanting their touch means that your instincts tell you they’re good for you,”
Chloe Ballatore, relationship and communication coach, tells Bustle. “Women have much bigger limbic brains than men, which gives them powerful instincts. So if you're feeling good about their touch, that's a very good sign that you will be compatible, at least physically.” You may even feel an “electric spark of energy” when you touch them.
Sometimes chemistry with someone can be intense and obvious. But it doesn't have to be. If you notice any of these subtle signs with someone early on, there's definite chemistry there.
Sources Dr. Cortney Warren, Ph.D., psychologist and relationship expert Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist Diana Venckunaite, certified life and relationship coach Dr. Anna Hiatt Nicholaides, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist Holly Schiff, PsyD., licensed clinical psychologist Chloe Ballatore, relationship and communication coach Dr. Sanam Hafeez Ph.D., neuropsychologist Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, licensed marriage and family therapist and author
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This article was originally published on
Sep. 23, 2019