Sex & Relationships

How To Use A Vibrator For The First Time

A sex therapist on how to get on with yourself.

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Whether your partner gave you a really nice vibrator as a gift, or you finally decided to pick up one for yourself, it can be tough to figure out how to use a vibrator for the first time. There are so many settings, and if you're used to masturbating with their hands, you're probably going to feel awkward at first. And you know what? That's OK.

Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, says it's a common reaction. Not everyone knows how to masturbate — whether we're talking with a toy or without.The reality, she says, is that masturbating isn’t always instinctual. You have to learn what you like, and that often takes time and a willingness to experiment.

It's also often necessary to play around with different types of vibrators. If you have one meant to stimulate your clitoris, you might want to try one that's meant to stimulate your G-spot, or visa versa. It's also important to keep in mind that a vibrator might not feel comfortable, if you try to move too fast.

That said, if you'd like to figure out how to use a vibrator, don't let these trials and tribulations put you off. Here are seven steps for learning how to use your new toy — and maybe even have a better orgasm — for the first time.

Get To Know Your Vibrator

First things first, figure out what your specific vibrator is designed to do. Again, there are toys for clitoral stimulation, others for internal stimulation.

From there, familiarize yourself with the settings on your vibrator. Almost all toys these days have power settings that determine how intense the vibration will be, plus pattern settings that determine how they pulsate.

Check out the user manual that came with your toy, or look it up online. For even more tips on your specific vibrator, you can see if there are online reviews (websites like Oh Joy Sex Toy and A Roll In The Hay are great places to start). Try out the different settings on your hand or forearm first, so you get an idea as to what it feels like.

Get Turned On First

When it comes to actually using the toy, it’s important to make sure you’re in the mood. If you aren't, the vibrations might be too intense, to the point it actually feels uncomfortable. So do whatever you like to do to get yourself in the mood — watch porn, read erotica, fantasize, touch your body.

Once you’re feeling excited for the next step, turn the vibrator on. But don’t go between your legs just yet! Continue teasing yourself by using the vibrator on other body parts, like your stomach, breasts, and thighs.

Use Lube

Lube can make the experience much more pleasant because it helps the toy glide against your skin without catching or tugging. And if you’re penetrating yourself with the toy, you’ll definitely want to use lube.

Look for water-based lube specifically designed to be used with toys. On that note, make sure to read up on which lubes are compatible with your toy. In general, silicone-based lubes shouldn’t be used with silicone-based toys.

Start Slow

When you’re ready to use the vibrator on your genitals, turn it down to the lowest possible power setting. Put it on a basic pattern setting, like a constant vibration. Then start slow. You can always turn the intensity up as you go, but it’s best to ease your way into it.

Figure Out What Level Of Contact You Like

Another important variable to play with is the level of contact you want between the vibrator and your skin. Some people like holding the vibrator directly against their clitoris. Others don’t like that much sensation.

You can hold the vibrator against your labia, so it indirectly stimulates your clitoris. Or you can try it with your underwear on, and use the vibrator over that. You can even drape a sheet or towel over the vibrator for less intensity.

Find Your Hot Spots

Since most people need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, you’ll probably want to focus most of your attention on using your vibrator externally, but you can also experiment with using it internally (if your toy is designed for penetration).

Some people like the in and out motion of penetration. If your toy is designed for G-spot stimulation, you can try using the head of the toy to rub against the wall of your vagina. Your G-spot is located on the side of your vagina that’s underneath your abdomen. It can feel good to put pressure there because you're indirectly stimulating the internal fibers of the clitoris. (Yes, there’s more to the clitoris than meets the eye!)

Experiment With The Settings

Once you’ve gotten a handle on the basics, feel free to start experimenting with different settings. Crank up the intensity level and see what setting you respond to best. Play around with the different patterns and see if you have a favorite. Keep having fun, and you'll be a pro in no time.

Expert:

Vanessa Marin, sex therapist

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