What Happens When You Break Up With The Love Of Your Life?

No, you’re not doomed.

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Breaking up with your soulmate isn't the end of the world.
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Finding a deeply intense connection with someone isn't easy. So when you feel like you’ve found the love of your life, it's hard to let them go. That's why breaking up with a soulmate can sometimes feel like the end of the world. But according to experts, letting go may be just the thing you need to do.

"The rumor is that everyone has just one soulmate," relationship expert and spiritual counselor, Davida Rappaport, tells Bustle. "But we don’t have just one soulmate. We have many soulmates."

According to her, every single partner you have a special bond with has a purpose in our lives. In some way, they're meant to help us to grow as individuals on a mental, physical, emotional and soul level. Although you may feel a special connection to someone that's unexplainable, you do have the choice to be a part of each other's lives.

But finding your soulmate isn't a guarantee that you're going to be together forever. But that doesn't mean your love life is doomed if things don't work out. In fact, Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of the book Date Smart, tells Bustle that losing a soulmate can also lead to incredible self-growth for both people.

“There are occasions when the psyche says, ‘There’s more awaiting you; it’s time to move on,’” Manly says. “So, if you break up with your soulmate for the right reasons (e.g., the need to expand and develop yourself), trust that you’re being guided to evolve.”

Here are some unexpected things that can when you and your soulmate can’t be together and break up, according to experts.


You May Gain A Greater Sense Of Self-Awareness

Although it may not feel like it in the moment, breaking up with a soulmate isn’t the end of the world. "Most people get the best lessons in life after going through difficult experiences, and breaking up with a soulmate is no exception," author and counselor, Connie Omari, LPC, tells Bustle. Most if not all, will teach you something about yourself and what you actually want. The best part is, you can benefit from the breakup by taking those lessons and implementing change, she says. In doing so, you'll be more prepared when you enter into a relationship with someone else.


You May Find A Way To Reconcile With Your Soulmate

Cutting a soulmate off completely will be a huge challenge and you may find yourself in an on-again and off-again situation because of that. "You may not be able to detach from them completely because you connected to them so deeply on a spiritual and/or soul level," Rappaport says. If you're someone who believes that you only have one soulmate, you'll do your best to keep trying to make things work until things really run its course. Keep in mind however, that finding ways to get back together over and over again won't guarantee that you'll actually end up together forever.


Some People You Try To Date After May Not Feel Right

After you end things with someone you thought was the love of your life, you may chase the deep kind of connection you felt until you find it again. Unfortunately, that may not be the easiest thing to do. According to Rappaport, you may try to put yourself out there but some of the people you try to date after will feel "wrong." You may even write off great matches just because they don't give you that soulmate feeling. "In this case, you should probably take a time out until you are able to realize you don’t need to have a 'soulmate,' just a good partner the next time around," she says.


You May Become Best Friends With Your Soulmate

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Breaking up with a soulmate isn’t necessarily the same thing as losing a soulmate forever. In fact, one surprising thing that can happen when you end a relationship with a soulmate is you may find that you both no longer belong together as partners, Rappaport says. Once you've both had time to heal, your ex partner could end up being one of your closest friends. "You may always have a special connection," she says. "If you both are willing to stay connected rather than terminate or hurt each other, you both may continue to grow with each other as a support team."


You May Find That Change Is A Lot Less Scary

Ending things with someone you felt an intense connection with can be one of the hardest things you may have to deal with in your life. But once you let go of that connection, take time to heal, and move on with your life, you’ll realize that you have the ability to overcome anything. According to Rappaport, moving on can be be exhilarating and you may even feel as though you have a clean slate in life. You may be tempted to move, travel by yourself, or quit your job to find something more fulfilling. When you’re ready, you’ll have a chance to start all over with someone new.


You May Feel Lighter & More Energized Than Ever Before

A soulmate relationship feels unlike any other relationship you may have experienced before due to its intensity. That can come with its share of pros and cons. For instance, the highs are really high, and the lows can feel really low. Often, relationships with people you’re deeply connected to can feel emotionally exhausting. "After you break up with a soulmate, you may actually feel a bit lighter and more energized," Rappaport says. "Sometimes the karma that connected you to your soulmate was the only thing that bound you both together." This may not happen right away. You may even get back together and break up a few times before you allow yourself to fully move on. But when you do, you may find that your soulmate has actually been weighing you down this entire time.


Your Life Resets Itself After A Breakup

Breakups give you an opportunity to hit the reset button on your life, matchmaker Tammy Shaklee, tells Bustle. When you have the courage to let go of a connection you thought was going to be forever, you have the opportunity to start all over again. According to Shaklee, breaking up with a soulmate will give you a chance to "re-engage your spirit and your soul." Doing things that you once loved or trying new things that you've always been curious about will make you a happier and healthier version of the person you once were.


You May Feel Like You’ve Made The Biggest Mistake Of Your Life

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When you end a relationship with someone you thought was the love of your life, it’s natural to feel like you made a mistake. You may question your decision, or find yourself wanting to reach out to your ex for comfort. But as Jade Bianca, dating coach and matchmaker, tells Bustle, “Relationships take two to tango. An ex is an ex for a reason.” Just because you feel a strong connection with someone, it doesn’t mean that you should overlook poor behavior. Although you may second guess yourself post-breakup, try your best to keep moving forward.

“It's important to remember that healing is not linear, and these things take time and self-work,” Bianca says. “There will be times where you will want to reach out to your ex, but no contact after a breakup is the best advice. The best way to move forward after a divorce or big breakup is to take a step back and think about what you want your next chapter to look like.”

Who do you want to be in the next five or 10 years? What kind of partner do you need to become a better version of yourself? If you keep these questions in mind, you’ll remember why you made the choice you did.


You May Feel Hurt When You Hear Your Friends Talk About Your Ex

Your friends might try to make you feel better by talking about how you’re much better off. They may even reveal how they really felt about your ex. Even if you agree with what they’re saying, hearing others talk badly about them will hurt. According to therapist Olivia James, it’s common to still feel very protective over a soulmate.

“It takes time to heal and it can be really hard to balance the necessary grieving with a realistic view of a fallible human being, not an idealized soulmate,” James says. If your friends are saying negative things about your ex in an effort to support you, give them other suggestions for ways to help.


You’ll Discover What You Really Need In A Relationship Moving Forward

You aren’t the same person you were when you first met your ex. Because of that, breaking up with your soulmate means having a chance to reevaluate what you now want moving forward. “Obviously, post-breakup you already know the person you thought was the love of your life wasn't exactly ‘The One,’” Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, relationship expert and professor at California State University Fullerton, tells Bustle. “In order to move on, you must re-learn what you truly want in a romantic partner. Be specific when you write this list down because it's what you're going to attract.”


You’ll Learn How To Be Alone

Tarryn Dier, an expert in sex-positive and alternative relationship dynamics, says that people can feel like their lives are crumbling when they lose a constant in their life, like a soul mate. But you can learn a lot from the process of putting your life back together.

If you’ve broken up with a soulmate, you’ve probably realized that the soulmate connection isn’t enough to keep a relationship alive. The time alone after a breakup is not only a great time to think about where the relationship went wrong, but think about who you are as a person. You may use this time to figure out what you want in life or try to self-improve in ways that you weren’t able to do while you were in your relationship.

But not being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to spend all your time alone. It’s also a great time to surround yourself with your friends and family – people that love and care about you. "This can be helpful because it will give you a sense of love and belonging that oftentimes breakups leave you lacking." Varsha Mathur, dating and relationship coach and founder of KnowingLuxe Coaching previously told Bustle.

Experts & sources

Davida Rappaport, relationship expert and spiritual counselor

Connie Omari, LPC, author and counselor

Tammy Shaklee, matchmaker

Jade Bianca, dating coach and matchmaker at Dating After Divorce

Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of Date Smart

Olivia James, therapist

Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, relationship expert and professor at California State University Fullerton

Tarryn Dier, an expert in sex-positive and alternative relationship dynamics

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