What Is "Bankysing" In Dating? The TikTok Trend, Explained

In a perfect world, all relationships would end with an honest, respectful conversation. You would each get a chance to explain your feelings and share final thoughts. Maybe one or both of you would cry, and it would likely hurt in the moment, but once it was done, it’d be done.

In reality, people sometimes slowly back away as a way to avoid confrontation. Instead of being real and sharing their feelings, they might choose to gradually distance themselves, and eventually blindside their partner with what feels like an out-of-the-blue breakup. They might even disappear without saying goodbye.

On TikTok, this move has been dubbed “Bankysing” after the anonymous British street artist who paints sneaky murals before disappearing into the night. The person who is Banksying gets to plan ahead for the breakup and escape without a scrape while the one being Banksied is typically left hurt and confused. Instead of reaching a clean (if painful) conclusion, it often leaves many questions unanswered.

While this bad behavior is nothing new, it’s quickly becoming a more common way to end a relationship. Here, a dating expert helps explain what Banksying is, and what to do if it happens to you.

What Is Banksying In Dating?

According to Cheryl Maida, a dating expert and director of matchmaking at Matchmaking.com, Banksying is when someone slowly pulls away and then disappears from a relationship instead of having an honest breakup with their partner. “It’s like slipping out the back door and pretending nothing happened,” she tells Bustle.

It might look like a partner pulling back, texting less often, making excuses, or emotionally checking out — all before vanishing without a trace. The person left behind might not notice any changes at all until their partner is gone. Think coming home to an empty apartment or being surprised by what feels like a completely random breakup from a partner who seemed happy.

Even though it might feel easier to leave a relationship without having a straightforward conversation — which could lead to conflict — Banksying means there’s no closure. That’s why experts say it’s so toxic.

“No one likes being the bad guy, but avoiding the talk is like ripping off a Band-Aid in slow motion: It hurts more,” says Maida. “It also leaves the other person confused, doubting themselves, and replaying every detail, which is cruel. Everyone deserves clarity, even if it stings.”

Some Banksyers plan their exit for months, which gives them time to process the transition while the other person is left in the dark. They might even act like all is well. The sneaky lack of communication is what sets Banksying apart from a typical breakup.

Why Are People Banksying?

In a June 8 TikTok, creator and breakup expert @missamychan pointed out that the rise of Banskying is likely related to how conflict-avoidant people have become. “There’s a lack of ability to have uncomfortable, hard conversations, so they do more damage by dragging it out,” she said in the clip.

A partner might be more likely to Bansky if they’ve always avoided confrontation, if they don’t want to explain their reasons for leaving (maybe because they cheated), or if they never learned how to have tough convos, Maida says.

How To Avoid Being Banskied

You rarely see Banksying coming. Some perpetrators might even pretend to be happier than ever as a way to cover their tracks. Meanwhile, they’re secretly looking around for a new apartment.

That said, you might notice a few subtle shifts. They could seem uncharacteristically cold or distant, text less often, ask fewer questions about your life, stop bringing up the future, and dial back affection and intimacy, among other things. If you notice these changes, bring them up and see what your partner says.

If you’re the one thinking about Banskying, Maida recommends being brave and having a true breakup instead. “If you can, do it face-to-face,” she says. “Keep it short, kind, and clear: ‘This isn’t working for me, and I don’t want to waste your time.’ It’s not fun, but it’s respectful.”

Source:

Cheryl Maida, dating expert, director of matchmaking at Matchmaking.com