The Final 8 Deal On 'Big Brother' 17 Never Had A Chance Of Working Out & Here's Why

Hey, Big Brother fans — if you were one of the what I assume is a small handful of people who thought Big Brother 17's final eight deal was a good idea, sorry to say, I’m here to totally burst your bubble. More likely than not, though, I'm sure you thought it was as ridiculous as it, y'know, actually was — so this shouldn't come as a shock. In fact, if you’re a true Big Brother fan, you probably already know what I’m about to say: That Dark Moon alliance was totally doomed from the beginning. The alliance, which only lasted a week, came to a crashing halt when Jason was evicted on last Thursday night’s episode. But, before that, it had a strong cast of characters: Vanessa, Jackie, Clay, Shelli, Meg, Jason, James, and Becky Or, rather, this eightsome was strong individually, but they were nowhere close to strong together. And the reason why is totally obvious…

AN EIGHT PERSON ALLIANCE IS WAY TOO BIG, GUYS. Come on!

Man, these houseguests make me want to tear my hair out sometimes. I swear, if I ever get a chance in the Big Brother house (which, for the record, I never will because I wouldn’t wish that paranoia-inducing experience on anyone, and also I'm pretty sure I'm never getting on that show after this post), the minute someone approaches me with an alliance that is any more that five players, I’m going to immediately assume they’re either lying to my face, or insane.

What are they supposed to do with an eight-person alliance anyway? Even The Sixth Sense, with six houseguests, is starting to crumble under the weight of their internal alliances — it's clear that the bigger the alliance, the harder they fall. This is, of course, mainly because it’s inevitable that some people in the alliance will be closer than others. Look at Shelli and Clay, or Liz and Austin — that imbalance is bound to throw things off and make some people susceptible who are otherwise thinking they’re safe. (Ahem, Jason!)

Not to mention the fact that, the more people you have in an alliance, the more chances you have to be betrayed. It’s just a fact. Allegiances in the Big Brother house aren't reliable — it’s like the Hunger Games in that house, really. But, like, with beds. And a hot tub. Either way, only one person is walking out of there alive... or, in this case, with $500,000 in hand. So, you shouldn’t trust anyone farther than you can throw them, and the more people you have tied to you and your secret strategies, the more chances you have of being shot in the back with a bow and arrow. (Or, like, a bucket of slop or something more Big Brother-y.)

So, yeah. Nice try, Dark Moon, but that alliance’s life cycle was doomed to just a few short days. Learn from this, guys, OK? And let’s make better alliance choices next time around.

Things change so quickly in the Big Brother house, it can be hard to keep up. To keep track of everything going on in the Big Brother house, check out Bustle’s very own Big Brother podcast, The Diary Room. Listen to the latest episode below, and be sure to check out future episodes on Bustle’s SoundCloud page and iTunes.

Image: CBS (2)