You never forget your first love: though a clichéd old adage, there is a hell of a lot of truth there. Even if you guys ended in the most volcanic eruption of a fight that had you deleting him or her from your Myspace Top 8 (remember those days?) chances are you find yourself reminiscing about that person years later at the most random of times. Thinking of that first special someone brings you back to a time when love was shiny and new, while the realities of adult relationships seemed as far into the future as flying cars. You can probably remember your first kiss, dancing the night away at prom, or your first time doing the deed together; yes it was awkward, short, and they wore their socks, but you can still recall those two minutes of jolty heaven like it was yesterday.
The nostalgia of your first love is wonderful, but what happens if you meet that person again at a different point in your life, and suddenly things are rekindled? Take it from the queen of trying to revive things with her first love (I am currently in the process, and it ain't working out so great), there are a few tell-tale signs that what you had was in the past, and should stay there. Here are the ways you absolutely know that you're not meant to be with your first love now.
1. You're At Different Points In Your Life
Maybe when you two first kindled your love and got your matching tattoos, everything in your worlds were aligned, like a cosmic intervention fating the two of you to be together. But now, he or she is thinking of taking a job across the country, and you want to eat your way across Europe. Either way, the timing just isn't right like it used to be, and even if you still have serious feelings for each other, timing can truly make or break a relationship. Maybe one day in the future, but at the point you two are at currently, it just isn't meant to be.
2. You've Grown Up To Be Different People
You might have loved the way he/she was a free spirit and open-minded to any adventure, but a recent venture into the corporate world has made your former flame a little more straight laced. Whatever those experiences have been, chances are the two of you have done a lot of new and exciting things with your life that have shaped the person you currently are. Even though you may still catch yourself thinking about his/her smile, and singing your song, he/she could be a completely different person than how you remembered them. We all grow up, or at least we think we do, after all.
3. They're Obviously Just Looking For A Fling
This coincides with number one. Maybe they just got off a breakup with their most recent ex, or they're just a point in their lives when they're looking to have fun. Either way, you may want to continue your undying love for each other, but he/she just wants to hook up. While you may be tempted to humor them because it feels comfortable (trust me, I've been there), it is likely your past feelings will get thrown into the mix, and you may get hurt when you realize the two of you aren't on the same page. Do not compromise what you want, even if this person used to mean the world to you.
4. You Start To Remember Why You Broke Up In The First Place
So you've finally got in touch with your first love, and now you're going on dates each Friday, and texting each other nonstop. And though things may seem blissful, he/she starts doing that thing again that you suddenly remember you can't stand. Before you know it, the two of you are having dejavu fights, and you're right back where you left off the first time. It may be tempting getting back in with an ex, but take a second to think why they became an ex in the first place.
5. You're Holding Onto The Past Because The Present Isn't So Great
I am 100 percent guilty of this. If your recent venture into the dating world has been a frustrating mess of lost optimism and f*ckboys, then you may want to call your first love who treated you well, and appreciated you for who you are. It seems easier than starting something new with someone else, and investing your energy into a dead-end, but once again, they're your ex for a reason. Take a second to think of why you're clinging to the past, (it's probably not because you still love them if you're being honest) and maybe just do you for a while. While you're having fun embracing the single life, things will start to fall into place. Trust me.
6. The Spark Isn't There Anymore
You've taken the leap, and you texted your first love after an extended hiatus of not hearing from them. Maybe you get drinks to catch up with the full intention of starting things over again, but then you see them, and something just isn't there. In the past you two went together like mac and cheese, but now it's feeling like they're more Gouda, and you're still looking for classic cheddar. Don't push it if things aren't there anymore. It was a nice memory from the past, but it just wasn't meant to be in the present.
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Images: Flickr/Linh Nguyen; Giphy (6)