OkCupid men are a colorful bunch. Whether you're looking for a man who likes doing puzzles while listening to Nicki Minaj, or you want a guy who is an avid fan of CrossFit, chances are, you can find him on here. Now I don't consider myself an online dating professional, but several months of browsing all that OKCupid has to offer has definitely taught me a few things. Among the most important, I believe, is how to spot some major red flags in dating profiles before I even send out that fateful message.
Yes, every once and a while you will encounter the blatant red flag in a guy who is a little too overzealous when detailing what he wants in the bedroom, and how he wants it, but the warning signs go far beyond this. When it comes down to it, you'll probably have a gut feeling after reading a few sentences, and it's telling you to run, listen. But in order to make it a bit more explicit, I've compiled a list of warning signs that I've encountered out in the wild which helped me to conclude, “hmm, better not.”
1. He's Oddly Specific About What He Wants
Don't get me wrong, it's fine to say that you're looking for a fun, outgoing girl whose up for an adventure. But if you want a blonde who knows Russian, teaches pilates, and has a strict aversion to kale...you got some high standards, bud. You have to question a guy who has too many expectations of women before he's even talked to them. Chances are he has his walls built up for a reason, and it's probably best to stay away.
2. “Girl” Is His Type
On the other side of the coin is the guy who has no specifications of what he wants. If you're reading his profile and you get the vibe that he will accept anyone, as long as they have lady parts, there is something very wrong there. Either he's just looking to get laid, or you've crossed paths with the perpetual “relationship guy” who cannot be happy unless he's women someone. Be warned.
3. He's Already Detailing What He Will And Won't Do In The Bedroom
I once looked at this guy's profile, and under the “Message Me If” section, he wrote, “if you are looking for an oral partner who is not willing to reciprocate.” I couldn't help but wonder, “How many offers does this guy get?” Also, how is that even a partnership if he isn't willing to reciprocate? Strange details aside, if he's already telling you what he wants when you two are doing the nasty, and he's also really selfish about it, don't even bother.
4. He Says He “Loves Fun”
Maybe it's just me, but nothing bothers me more than a guy who says, “I love fun.” Of course you love fun. Fun is inherently pleasurable, so most people out there enjoy something that at its very definition is enjoyable. So, please sir, come up with something more creative about yourself or I will just assume there isn't much there.
5. He's A “Free Spirit Not Looking To Be Tied Down”
-Insert long exaggerated eye roll here- You may be a free spirit whose only desire in life is to live in the moment, and seek out your next, great adventure, but, Mr. Lone Ranger, this isn't so appealing. If you're on a dating site, telling me that you don't want to date, have fun continuing to roam the world alone.
6. He Has A Profile Of Intellectual References “You Probably Won't Understand”
Another long, exaggerated eye roll here but for completely different reasons. OKCupid has its fair share of shallow guys, but it also has quite a bit of the alternative: the pretentious guy. He's chock full of references to Sartian philosophy, and if you haven't read Dostoyvesky, then what are you even doing with your life? The only thing worse than a guy who doesn't care about your intellectual side is a guy who tries to undermine it. Have fun reading your dusty books, I'll have fun watching reality TV.
7. None of His Pictures Are Alone
If every photo he has on his profile is a group photo, there's a good chance he's hiding inside of a crowd. And the last thing you have time for is playing, “Where's Waldo?” on a guy's profile, just to see if he was that one wearing the sunglasses.
8. All Of His Pictures Are Alone
Catfish rule number 1: if the guy you are interested in only has pictures by himself, those pictures may actually not be of him. Thanks to Nev and Max we have learned that people who only post selfies likely do so because they have stolen someone's pictures, and therefore cannot post photos of group outings. Tread lightly, my friends. OkCupid is not above such tomfoolery.
9. He Takes An Inordinate Number Of Shirtless, Gym Selfies
The eternal narcissist: you can likely find him in the gym, working on his guns, and taking videos of his form. If a guy's profile is filled to the brim of straight ab shots (that often, do not even include his face) he's either looking for sex, or superficial things matter a bit too much to him.
10. He Doesn't Have Time To Spell Things Correctly
No excuse, bro. If you've written your whole profile lyke dis, den I don' want 2 get 2 no u. Sry.
11. He Lists “Sex” As One Thing He Can't Live Without
Yeah, sex is pretty essential to life, but if you can't live without it, so much so you must let the dating world know, I'm going to back away slowly.
There are winners on OkCupid, and plenty of success stories to prove it, but in order to save you some time and aggravation on your quest to find Mr. Right, it's always important you take some clues from his profile. At the most basic level, his profile can help you figure out if you two may possibly click, and while it seems frustrating, it can potentially make dating a whole lot easier.
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Images: Flickr/ Hernán Piñera; Giphy (7)
