7 Ways To Spot A Man Child On OkCupid

by Laken Howard

Let's face it: Age is not always a great indicator of someone's maturity level, especially not when it comes to online dating. Even though immaturity is a relative concept, it's important to know how to identify a man child on OkCupid, because no one wants to waste their time pining for a 27-year-old, only to discover he secretly still has the mentality of a high schooler.

It will come as a shock to no one who's an online dating veteran that man children are plentiful on sites like OkCupid. For every mature, professional, has-his-sh*t-together man, it seems like there are a dozen who still live in their parents' basement and consider the weekend wasted if they don't do a record-breaking keg stand. Obviously, everyone's dating preferences are different, and depending on your age and where you are in life, you might want something totally different than what I want. Nonetheless, it's a fact of life that immaturity, however you define it, can be a huge turn-off if you're looking for a worthwhile partner.

So if you're on OkCupid and looking to date someone who walks, talks, and pays bills like an adult, heed these seven potential red flags (or maybe ignore them if you're just looking for a fun ~immature~ fling).

1. Ex-Bashing

I wish this went without saying, but it's never cool to post a disparaging remark about an ex online. It gives off the distinct impression that you're not really over him or her, as well as makes me wary of what might happen in the future should we ever break up, too. Even if you mean it as a "joke," I can almost guarantee it does more harm than good and, frankly, ex-bashing reeks of immaturity and certainly has no place in an online dating profile.

2. Video Game Obsession

Don't get me wrong: There is nothing bad about a little video gaming. I'm guilty of spending countless hours in college drinking and playing Mario Kart with my roommates, and may or may not have beaten Ocarina of Time more than once. However, when an adult man, presumably with a full-time job, devotes an entire paragraph of his OkCupid to listing his favorite video games, I get a little wary. Maybe I'm traumatized from the time I 'dated' a guy who treated me like a piece of furniture while he played Injustice: Gods Among Us for six hours, but I don't see any reason that a mature adult man needs to treat video games like a second full-time job. To make matters worse, OkCupid doesn't even ask users to list their favorite video games, so whoever adds that info in must seriously feel like they're such a big part of his life that they must be included alongside his favorite books, movies, and foods. Ultimately though, this is a personal preference and if you're also a passionate gamer seeking the same in your partner, feel free to ignore me.

3. Mama's Boy

Having a close relationship with your mother is a great and wonderful thing. There is a difference, however, between loving your mom and getting regular shipments of her pre-cooked meals, having her make all your dental appointments, asking her for advice about your sex problems, etc. We've all seen the kind of guy I'm talking about: He mentions how much his mom means to him just one too many times than is strictly normal for a dating profile, and you get the impression that you'll be meeting her way too soon, possibly after the first date, so he knows for sure that she approves before he personally gets any feelings for you. An unwritten OkCupid Commandment: Love thy mother, but please maintain some semblance of independence and adulthood.

4. "Willing To Lie About How We Met"

Listen, I don't need you to lie about how we met, because it's 2015 and we should all be comfortable with the dating app takeover. If you're a "traditionalist" who still thinks the best way to find a partner is by staring down anyone who strays into your local dive bar and are embarrassed that you have to "resort" to using a dating app, I just feel kind of sad for you. There's nothing wrong with broadening your horizons and using the technology the OkCupid Gods have blessed us mortals with, and you're probably a child in a man's body if you can't imagine telling someone you *gasp* use a dating app.

5. Excessive Party Pics

If a red Solo cup is a permanent fixture in all of your profile pictures, you can be sure that I'm judging you at least a little bit. Obviously there's nothing wrong with liking to go out and drink; I'm in my early twenties, so the nightlife thing is pretty bumpin' for me, too. However, there's a difference between being 26 and loving a nice two-olive martini and being 26 and...still attending keggers. There's a whole subset of the OkCupid population (men and women) who seem to have somehow never left their college campus, despite being in their mid-to-late-twenties. Drinking is a very adult thing to do, but blacking out in a bro tank every weekend? Man-child status.

6. Shirtless Mirror Selfies

I don't really think this one needs any explanation. Just don't do it, OK?

7. Lack Of Ambition

I totally understand that life is a rollercoaster and we all go through ups and downs, and I am in no way trying to shame people experiencing trying moments in their professional lives. If someone is in a temporary job as a waiter because they just moved to a new city, that's totally fine. But if they have no plans to move into a career (sooner rather than later), that's a warning sign. Maybe I'm weird, but it's a turn-on for me when a guy passionately discusses his career, because it shows he's doing something that inspires him, and will likely inspire me in some way, too. If a guy's profile is too heavy on the "go with the flow" or "funemployment" attitude and lacks any semblance of ambition, professional or otherwise, that's an indicator that he might not be fully matured yet.

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