13 Things A Man Child Does On Tinder

by Natalia Lusinski

Tinder. One minute, we love it. The next, we hate it. Swipe, swipe, swipe, wait a second! Go back, go back! Undo, undo! Match! Swipe, swipe, swipe… This can go on all night (and often does). Some people treat the app as a joke, trolling for bad Tinder messages, while others find true love through the app and end up getting married. (True story!)

I’ll bet that much of your dislike for the easy-to-use app is any of the following: You don’t take it seriously. The guys (and girls) on the receiving end don’t take it seriously. Not a lot of effort goes into it, so not a lot of effort comes out of it (i.e., less-than-stellar matches and messages from those “matches”) .Gross messages. Not enough messages. Too many messages.

And I could go on and on. However, some people (like myself) think Tinder’s the best “online” dating method ever. It’s visually appealing, has a simple (yet engaging and highly addictive) interface, and is efficient in nature. But, there are still things that a man-child does on Tinder and I’m here to tell you about them (and I am sure) you can relate!

1. "Hi."

Ooh, that's original! Guys, in a sea of messages, put a little more effort than "Hi,"OK?!

2. They tell us their life story... in their very first message.


3. "I want to lick you like an ice cream cone."

Um... how about a "Hello" first? (And maybe some dates!)

4. "Wanna 'cum' over tonight? (Get it?)"

No thanks. I don't want to come over any night.

5. "Like your pics. The pic of you on the left in that group photo is hot."

Um... that's not me! Didn't you look at my other pics?! Or my profile one?! Then you'd know I'm the blonde, not the brunette. Guess I shouldn't have thrown a group photo into the mix! My bad.

6."Oral, missionary, or anal?"

How about "none of the above"?

7. Any message sent between midnight and dawn...

I'm not a booty call. Didn't you read my profile where I clearly say I'm not here to hook up? People meet on Tinder and actually get married, you know!

8. Typos!

Didn't you pass spelling tests in elementary school? Case in point, this does not warrant a response: "How's you're day going?" (My profile says I'm a writer, so why do you think you're is acceptable here?!)

9. "Hi, me again."

Did I mention this is the tenth time in a row this guy has written? Guys, we haven't forgotten about you. (Well, maybe, since Tinder is distracting.) But, if someone stands out (i.e., writes nothing like the above examples and something original and engaging and funny), we will remember them and write back. You don't have to keep messaging again and again... and again!

10. "Hi, me again."

Not to be confused with #9, this guy (or girl) disppeared for weeks or months, then writes to us again like no such time has passed! But, it has! I'm always tempted to write: "Oh, you're back! So it didn't work out with the other girl?!"

11. Too much, too soon—aka as The Copy And Paste Guy (Or Girl).

Yes, these people have our whole future planned... and we haven't even met! They go on and on talking about why and how we're a "perfect match" and they may as well be writing to anyone. In fact, they probably are! They copy and paste that same text to everyone and see who takes the bait. (You can always tell this when they don't pinpoint any specifics from your profile!) Point being, be orginal! Don't just look at our pics, but read our profiles, too. After all, they're very short and no more than a few sentences! Is it really that much effort?!

12. Too much, too soon... and then they call you someone else's name!

Yes, I know, our profile name (our real, actual name) is right there on our profile. How can they mess this up and call us by someone else's name? Because they're copying and pasting—and forgot to change the name within the text where they tell us why we're so special and unique versus all their other "matches" on Tinder.

13. The non-messaging guy.

Sure, he matched with us... but then he doesn't write a single word! People, this is LAME. Write something . Anything! Read over our profiles (did I mention how short they are on Tinder?) and get inspired. It's easy. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can tell everyone you met your amazing girlfriend (or boyfriend) on Tinder. Who woulda thought, right?!

Do you know how many matches and messages women get on Tinder? Some guy and girl friends and I once compared and my female friends and I beat the guys (so to speak) time and time again. Hence, there's a lot of competition for our attention, so make yourself memorable and don't do any of the above!

Images: Fotolia; Giphy