8 Painful Questions To Ask Your Exes
If you've ever experienced a breakup, you are sure to know how it feels to have many questions unanswered. It doesn't really matter how it ended; whether you guys went out with a bang, or it was a mutual, peaceful parting of ways, there are most likely things you never got to say to your ex that are still bothering you months, maybe even years later. And this feeling is only made worse if you never got the closure you needed. But if you ever did get the chance to talk to your ex again about the two of you, what would you say to your ex?
“The And” Project has been allowing past couples to do just that; by putting them in a room, and finally allowing them to ask their burning questions, these couples are better able to understand what happened when things went down hill, and finally get the sense of closure they need. But if you've seen the recent trending video of past couple Ali and Andrew, you know that asking the questions you've had stored inside you can not only be awkward, but truly painful (I'll be the first to admit, I definitely cried during that video). But as trying of an experience as it is, it could also help you grow, and learn from your past mistakes to help you in a new romantic situation.
So what are some of those painful questions to ask your ex? I've compiled a list, but whether you actually make the move to find out is completely up to you.
1. Did You Cheat?
Another variation on this question: why did you cheat? Whether you suspected your ex of being unfaithful, or you knew all along that they were experimenting with other people, you are going to want some answers. Especially if this is the reason the two of you broke up. It will definitely be a tough one, but finding out why they strayed when you were obviously there for them may help you heal.
2. Did You Mean What You Said?
Chances are, you guys had some fights, and if they were pretty bad you may still remember that one thing they said that you never truly forgave them for. If it was said in the heat of the moment, it's likely he or she didn't mean it, but if it's stuck with you this long it may be better to ask.
3. Do You Still Think Of Me?
This is a hard one, but you have to admit, it's crossed your mind. You know you've thought about your ex in the past; whether those thoughts came filled with rage, a dull longing, or a sense of peace is something only you truly know. But if you've come away from this relationship, and that person is still on your mind, you'll probably want to know if they feel the same. This doesn't have to mean that you want to start things up again; it may just be comforting to know that someone who once meant the world to you hasn't forgotten what you had.
4. Do You Regret Anything?
Do you regret the way things ended? Do you regret that one fight that broke us? Or do you regret being unfaithful? If he or she did something that truly hurt you, you'll likely want to know if they look back on that decision as one they should have never made. It's hard to tell what they would say to that, and if you do decide to ask your ex this, you should prepare yourself in case the answer is “No.”
5. Why Do You Leave Me Dangling?
If you're still involved with your ex in some capacity, this may be a burning question on your mind. Maybe you've broken up and gotten back together a ridiculous amount of times since your first parting, or maybe you guys are still involved sexually. Perhaps he/she keeps calling you when they're drunk, telling you how much they miss being with you. Either way, you're probably feeling mixed up emotionally if someone you once cared so strongly for keeps you under their thumb. This is definitely a question you should ask, because it may finally give you peace of mind.
6. Why Haven't I Heard From You?
The alternate to this last question, you're likely to have this one if your ex cut you off completely after you guys parted ways. It's difficult to be friends with someone when you're just coming off a breakup, but to stop hearing from them cold turkey can sometimes feel like going through withdrawal. He/she is probably having a hard time coping with the breakup, but that doesn't atone for the fact that someone you once loved is now ignoring you.
7. Are You Happy In Your New Relationship?
This can either be something killing you, or something you are just truly curious about. Even if you've moved on, you've gotten your sense of closure, and you're involved with someone else yourself, it may be hard to sit with the fact that your ex has moved on and is happy too. Whether we'll admit it or not, we always want to be the ones to “win the breakup,” and if they seem happier in their life without you, it's likely going to sting. Especially when that happiness is coming from another girl that isn't you.
8. Do You Ever Miss Us?
Again, you could just be curious, or you could want to start things up again if this is something you keep thinking about. Maybe you guys were together for a very long time, and you're having trouble making your way in the dating world because they're no longer by your side. If this is the case, you most likely are not over them. Consider how long it's been, and what your relationship is with them now; if you think they're likely to say yes, there is no harm in asking. But if you know this person has moved on, and is enjoying their new life, you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak.
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