They're heeeere. Season 4 of FX's horror anthology won't premiere until next Wednesday, but you can get a load of the opening sequence for American Horror Story: Hotel now, thanks to creator Ryan Murphy, who kindly uploaded it to his YouTube channel to ruin any chance any of us had of getting a good night's sleep tonight.
By now, AHS fans are fully aware that the show updates the macabre credits every year to fit with the theme of the new season, and they eagerly await the moment that the new box of horrors is opened. After the creepy basement of Murder House, the spooky hallways of Asylum, and the dark forests of Coven, Season 4's Freak Show really changed things up by producing the show's first stop-motion title sequence. It also revamped the tune slightly to achieve the effect of a carnivalesque music box. Season 5's Hotel is back to the live action that viewers are accustomed to from the first three iterations — but the familiar strains of the theme song have been altered once more to include a more classical (if still spine-tinglingly eerie) tone.
If this one-minute-long sequence is any indication, audiences are in for a pants-ruiningly scary time this year. Here are the 13 scariest moments from the AHS: Hotel credits.
1. It's A Trap!
Three seconds in and something's already trying to grab my face. No thanks.
2. Clean Up In Aisle Five!
It's in the halls, it's on the walls, it's all over the floor. There's more blood in here than in The Shining's Overlook Hotel. (And that's saying something.)
3. This Unholy Terror
WHAT. IS. THAT. *runs and hides*
4. This Baby's Shadow
Get it away get it away get it away.
5. THOSE EYES
They will haunt me for the rest of my life.
6. This Literal Nightmare
Yes, that is a bed that is literally hugging someone. And not in a friendly way. In a get-me-the-hell-out-of-here way.
7. The Ten Commandments
As if creepy hotel imagery wasn't enough by itself, the sequence is also interspersed with near-subliminal flashes of the 10 commandments. (That'll be a direct reference to this season's 10 Commandments Killer, natch.)
8. This Hallway Of Horrors
Is that a floating nun? We already know that Hotel will connect to Murder House . Will it connect to Asylum as well?
9. This Bed Full Of NOPE
WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN BEDS FOR ME, RYAN MURPHY?! I LOVE BEDS. PLEASE STOP RUINING THEM.
10. This Game Of Thrones Reference
Remember Gregor's words just before he killed Oberyn? "Elia Martell. I killed her children. Then I raped her. Then I smashed her head in like THIS!" *smush* *scream* *faint*
11. This Fashion Emergency
OK, it's not my favorite shade either... but that's a bit extreme, don't you think?
12. DON'T LET IT IN
13. But Literally WTF
I don't even know what's going on anymore. What circle of Hell have we landed in??
Thanks for the next three months of night terrors, Ryan Murphy. I'll send you a bill for my therapy. American Horror Story: Hotel premieres on FX this Wednesday at 10:00 p.m. ET.
Images: Ryan Murphy/YouTube (14)