Sex is generally a pretty fantastic way to begin, end, or perk up any day — even bad sex can still have its enjoyable moments, and having good sex is one of the best things about being alive, as far as I'm concerned. That said, if you've ever had sex, you know that a lot of things can end up going wrong during, after, and before you have sex. What you may not know, though, is that you can easily improve your sex life by making sure to skip some easily avoidable pre-sex mistakes.
I'm not saying the bad sex you've had is your fault — sometimes, there's an essential incompatibility between two partners, or one partner is just selfish in bed, and you can't fix that. However, if you avoid making some common pre-sex mistakes, you can raise the odds of your next romp being an awesome one.
Whether you're happily single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, it's important to know how you can make sex better for yourself and your current and/or future partners. Because sex is more than just a fun thing we do — it's a basic human need. So it makes sense to get the most out of your sexual experiences by learning what not to do in your pre-sex routine.
1. Not Peeing Before You Get Down To Business
I know there's nothing sexy about pausing foreplay to go take a pee. I also know how some people can get grumpy when they're interrupted just as things are starting to get underway — but if your partner puts up a big fuss because you need to pee pre-sex, they're acting like a jerk, and you should pee anyway.
It will probably take less than two minutes to drain your bladder, and not only will it help ensure that you won't be uncomfortable while you mess around — peeing before sex can also keep you from developing a nasty UTI. (Trust me, I speak from experience.) So, no matter how "un-sexy" you may think it is (and no matter how frustrated your partner may act), be sure to pee before sex. You will never regret not getting a UTI, and your partner should be understanding about that.
2. Skimping On Lube, Or Using Lube That Irritates Your Vaginal Area
I am a huge advocate of lube. Yes, it's sticky, and yes, you sometimes have to wash your lady bits about 20 times to get all of it off afterwards. But if you are prone to vaginal dryness, having sex with a guy who's well-endowed or using a large dildo, engaging in anal play, or would just like to make things a bit more slippery, lube is your savior. That said, it pays to make sure you're using the right lube for your body and your situation — because using the wrong kind of lube can make sex feel way more unpleasant than it would have if you'd skipped lubing up all together.
So while using lube is wonderful, make sure to play it safe with lube selection when you're using it for the first time. Keep it simple and avoid lubricants with scents, dyes, and menthol at first. If you get bored with that and really want to try something new like a warming jelly, I'm not saying you shouldn't go for it — but maybe start with just a small drop of the stuff. After all, the last thing you want is for your sex session to come to a grinding halt because it feels like your vagina is on fire.
3. Drinking Too Much
You probably don't need me to tell you that alcohol is a sexual lubricant of sorts. For many people, drinking a little before sex can often help them feel less inhibited and get into a sexy mood. However, drinking heavily pre-sex is not a good idea. Not only do you run the risk of getting sick while you're trying to bang, but drinking too much before sex will dull your sensations. This makes it more difficult for you to enjoy yourself — and it also makes it way harder to have an orgasm. And honestly, if you drink a ton, going to sleep can start seeming more appealing than finishing your sexual encounter.
Conversely, studies have shown that smoking weed pre-sex can make partners feel more connected, and it can make it easier for women to achieve orgasm. So, if you have the option, you might want to try lighting up before sex instead of getting super drunk. Or, you know, just get it on sober if you want to. Whatever works!
4. Eating A Heavy Meal
Normally, I would never tell anyone how or when to feed themselves. However, I will tell you what you may already know — eating a big meal before sex will almost always kill your vibe and make you sleepy.
When we consume lots of carbs at once, our bodies signal our brains to slow down while the digestion process takes place. Additionally, the more we eat, the more insulin our bodies release. With the release of this insulin comes increased levels of serotonin and melatonin in the brain — and all of these chemicals lead to sleepiness.
Of course, sometimes sex is totally spontaneous, so I know it's not always possible to plan your meals around sex adventures. But if you know you're going to be having sex within the next hour or two, you should probably avoid any all-you-can-eat buffets.
5. Focusing Too Much On How You Look
I think most of us are guilty of sizing ourselves up pre-sex, and it's not always a bad thing. I can't be the only person who has benefited from a little pre-sex bathroom-mirror-pep-talk. But if you're too focused on that stubborn chin pimple you've been trying to shake for days, or that stray nipple hair you forgot to pluck, it's going to mess with your mojo.
The thing is, you're gorgeous, and your partner probably couldn't care less about your "flaws." I know this is easier said than done, because I've been guilty of it on numerous occasions — but don't focus on what you look like when you're about to have sex. Your partner wants to have sex with you, so they must like how you look — and you should, too.
6. Not Packing Protection
I get that condoms suck sometimes. They smell weird, they can rub you raw, and even nice dudes frequently complain about having to wear them. That said, we all know they're essential unless you're having sex with someone you know to be STD-free (and using an alternative form of birth control if you're having heterosexual sex). So, be prepared at all times. I don't care if you're in the longest dry spell of your life, keep an emergency condom in your purse or jacket pocket. You never know when you might need one, and you will not regret being prepared.