Getting to third base aka getting fingered used to be a massive deal, but now it just seems to be a given— something we don't hear about very much. People brush by it like it's underwhelming or just a means to an end. But it's so much more than that. Maybe it's just because I've been having more sex with a woman of late, or maybe it's because a friend of mine recently complained about "too much fingering". Which made me go "TOO MUCH!?! What is too much!?". But in any case I think it's time to stand up for this under-loved sexual technique. If you're not sure how to finger a woman, or if you're doing it correctly, it's time to get on board. Because fingering is effing fantastic. Especially when it's done right.
In fact I've always been obsessed with it, ever since I started having sex in any form I have firmly believed that fingering is so much better than oral. I mean, it's what makes oral even better, right? But for some reason there's been a lot of talk about oral sex recently like it's the holy grail, and way less talk about how amazing getting fingered is. I'm done with it.
So here are sex reasons getting fingered is underrated, because there are so many different ways to have fun with our hands:
1. You Have More Control Than With Your Tongue
Again— oral sex is overrated. Not because it's not great (it certainly can be great), but for me it's just not the big deal that some claim it to be. I think part of the reason is basic anatomy— it's harder to control your tongue than your hands. Not in a "Oh my god my tongue is out of control!" sort of way, but fingers are just more dexterous. You can figure out exactly what your partner likes and make it happen. You've got options. You can do penetrative stimulation, clitoral stimulation, a little anal stimulation, or all of them at once! Try doing that with a tongue.
2. For Some It's A Necessity
I've had friends complain that if someone goes straight for oral, it's probably not going to make them orgasm. For some it works— great, stick with that. But for a lot of people they need stronger stimulation, or more direct stimulation, than that. So fingering is a really important part of sex for some people, and we shouldn't overlook it. Plus, for hetero sex if you ever have problems with being uncomfortable, especially if your partner is more endowed, some strategic fingering beforehand can make things easier (and lube of course).
3. You Can Really Go For It
OK, you can try to penetrate me with a tongue all you want, but for people who really get off on being penetrated, it's just not really going to do it for you. Fingering can be more playful and gentle, or you can really just go for it . No penis necessary. It's great.
4. You Can Do It In More Positions
With oral sex, and even penetrative sex, there are limited positions you can do it in, because it relies on certain body parts lining up. But arms and hands have a lot of range, so you're not stuck to the same group of positions. If you find yourself in a strange but comfy cuddling position, it's easy for hands to roam and you can start fooling around without having to readjust. Standing up? From behind? All way easier with hands than other kinds of sex.
5. And More Locations...
Not only is it easy to do in lots of positions, it's also easier to do quickly. You can get whatever kind of stimulation you need and, depending on what you're wearing, you may not even need to take any clothes off. It can be quick and discreet, making it ideal for a spontaneous sex act or trying sex in a new location for the first time.
6. You Can Hit The Big G
You may not be sure what the G-spot can do for you or have found that amazing G-spot orgasm, but your best bet for anything to do with the G-spot is fingering. Yes, some sex positions hit it and there are stimulators available, but pretty much every G-spot "how to" starts with the classic two fingers doing the "come hither" motion. It's the most direct and straightforward way to explore. Your fingers know best. You can do it alone or with a partner, but it's definitely worth trying. Don't underestimate the power of the fingers.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises:
Images: Andrew Zaeh/Bustle; Giphy (6)