Katy Perry's New iPhone Game, 'Katy Perry Pop', Makes Being The Star's Bestie Seem Easy — PHOTOS
Love the concept of Kim Kardashian: Hollywood but tired of dealing with Willow Pape being shady? Boy, do I have the game for you! On Tuesday, Katy Perry launched her iPhone game, Katy Perry Pop, and it's pretty much the closest any of us will ever get to having the 31-year-old pop star as our musical mentor and bestie. In the game, players create a persona (much like in Kardashian's game) and, with the guidance of Perry, complete tasks that will help you go from undiscovered barista to mega star. The game is super colorful — basically exactly what Lisa Frank would have dreamed of — and the soundtrack is upbeat, and every so often, Perry pops in to offer tips and encouragement. If you love the "Firework" singer as much as I do, it's a pretty sweet set up!
And since Perry first announced she was creating a game of her own, I've been excited to see what she came up with, so when I had the opportunity to try the game out early, I couldn't say no. The good news: If you love super addictive games like Kardashian's with a touch of pop culture, you're going to love this. The bad news: You're probably not going to be able to put your phone down ever again.
On the fence about downloading it? Don't worry — here's everything you need to know about the game so you can make the call.
First, Perry Herself Welcomes You To The Game, But In Human Form
These actual videos of the singer pop up every so often in the game, and they're cute. Bonus: Perry's always wearing the outfit her cartoon alter-ego is wearing the next time you see her, which is pretty cool. Less cool: Later in the game, Perry shows up in a Moschino dress, but cartoon Perry is actually wearing a Fauxschino dress, which Perry would never do.
Next, You Create Your Character
Your character is pretty customizable as far as what you look like — hair color and style, eye color and shape, the usual — so I decided to make her look like me. I also tried to name her Nicole, but that name was taken, so instead, I named her Nicole Beyoncé, the next most logical choice. Then, it comes time to pick your character's outfit. When you're just starting out, you have, like, no options — solid colored tops and a few pairs of pants. More options open up when you unlock different levels, though. Also notable is the fact that in Perry's world, every woman has huge boobs.
And Then Suddenly, You're In Santa Barbara
The significance of this: Perry was born and raised in Santa Barbara, California, so this is a huge home base in the game. This is where you get your intro to actual gameplay. There are things called Action Bubbles, which you tap to perform actions (duh) and, like in Kardashian's game, when you do something right, objects fly at you to collect, like coins and Katy Gems, which you can use to purchase energy and other things in the game. I'm sorry, I must be dreaming. I'm blocks from the ocean, and Katy Perry has already promised me a chance at fame. Seems ideal, right?
Then, Reality Comes Crashing Down On You
I have to start from the bottom. I'm not a superstar yet — I'm apparently a barista who plays at her coffee shop's open mic nights and takes orders from this old hag named Ruby Thursday who keeps trying to get me to borrow her ugly hippie costume for my performance, and then the game forces me to wear it. Thanks for nothing, Ruby — if that's your real name.
And I'm Still Wearing The Hideous Outfit When Perry Walks In
How. Embarrassing. Fortunately, Perry decides to take me under her wing as as my musical guardian angel, and we make plans to record my demo. Keep in mind this is based off of one acoustic coffee shop performance, so I must be seriously talented.
And Suddenly, I'm A Star
You mean all I had to do to get Perry to tweet me was to perform at an open mic while wearing tie dye? OK.
Perry Meets Me At My Mom's Garage, Where We're Recording My Demo
The first thing she does is very politely ask me to change out of that disgusting outfit. Tactful, but I knew exactly what she was getting at.
Then, The Musical Part Of The Journey Begins
Me and this random named Topher are recording our first song, entitled "Fancy Woman Alone," which is ironically the best description of myself I've ever heard. When you're recording music, you get a few options — you can click the dice to change the song title, and you get to pick the theme, which is different every time you record or perform.
Speaking Of The Song Themes...
But doesn't all music fit into one of these very specific categories?
"Fancy Woman Alone" Is A Hit
Perry loves it so much, she sends me to see her manager, Simone. Even though Simone isn't taking any new clients right now, she decides to sign me because I'm a name-dropper and threw Perry's weight around until she finally gave in. #Hollywood. As you keep playing and completing tasks that Perry sends you on (mostly via your smart phone), you level up, which unlocks more activities in the game as you go.
Next Task: Building A Backup Band
I'm supposed to use my charm to network with the non-playable characters in the game, but is it even worth it? In the process, I managed to meet all of the worst types of humans:
And this is just a couple of them. Cameron, are you trying to call me basic?
But That Doesn't Matter, Because Left Shark Is Here
Perry has these crazy "Rose Colored Glasses," and when you put them on, you see things that probably only Perry, Miley Cyrus, and people under the influence of psychedelic drugs usually see, like talking neon sunflowers. Fortunately, they also allow you to do something super important: perform a concert for Left Shark. THE Left Shark. And apparently, in this game, I'm the kind of girl who says things like "hellz yeah" while I'm wearing these glasses, which made me want to take them off immediately. But I didn't, because Left Shark.
From There, All That's Left To Do Is Climb The Charts
The game is a simple concept, but a lot of fun in practice — probably because as soon as you start playing, you get the hang of it right away. Collect as many Katy Gems as you can, follow her lead, and eventually, you, too, will be at the top of the charts. Me and my minuscule two piece band are going to do amazing things, especially if we keep recording songs with amazing titles like "Westside Legend Lifestyle."
I can definitely see how it'd be easy to lose a lot of hours of your life (and actual real money buying energy and Katy Gems in the store) playing this game, but at this point, I think it's worth it. A quick note to my friends: If I take extra long to answer my text messages in the next few days, just know it's because I'm trying to make Nicole Beyoncé a star. It's nothing personal.
Images: Katy Perry Pop (16)