So you filled out a profile, posted your best photos, and sent some messages to a few choice matches. So is there a reason why you're not getting any online dates? Whether you've decided to give Tinder or OkCupid or Bumble dating app a spin — or maybe all three, plus the other 98,000 dating apps and sites on the market — you still haven't found anyone who wants to meet in real life. Or maybe you've gone on a few dates, but they've all been horrible and disappointing and not worth putting on real clothes for. So now what?
There may be some very real reasons you're not getting a date, and some of them might not be immediately obvious. And let me say: Dating is difficult, and it can be hard to really commit to going on dates with a bunch of strangers you'll probably never see again.
Getting your dating game on point takes practice, and really isn't everyone's cup of tea. And you definitely have to be in the right headspace, and that takes time and energy. But before you completely give up on dating forever, give some thought to these 10 reasons you might not be getting tons of dates, and what to do to get back in the game.
1. You're Not Ready
If you're less than six months out of a serious relationship, now just might not be your time. If it seems as though events are conspiring to cancel your dates, they might be. Just take a deep breath, work on yourself, and regroup in a few months.
2. Your Heart Isn't In It
People can tell when you're just going through the motions. If that's the case for you and dating, your potential matches (or people you meet IRL) will be able to tell. And they won't want to meet up. For obvious reasons. Take a breather — maybe you'll be more into in the future.
3. You Think Online Dating Is Dumb
That's OK: Most of us do. But most of us have done it anyway, because that is how people seem to date in modern times. But it's not necessary — you can definitely meet people IRL. It happens every day. Log off and start smiling at cuties in your yoga class.
4. You're Sending Messages That Say "Sup?"
If your best opening line is "hey," you may want to reconsider. Even if you think an opener of "yo" is fine, your match is probably not bowled over. Try something more personal and inviting, and see if you have better results.
5. You're Playing It Too Cool
I totally get the impulse to stay guarded while swiping and not wear your heart on your sleeve. Wise. But if you're worried so much about what others might think of you that you're not actually saying anything of substance in messages, your matches aren't going to be champing at the bit to meet you.
6. You're Keeping Your Real Self On Lockdown
It's tempting to craft the perfect profile. But if you're not real with your matches and your profile, your true self won't shine through. And as disgustingly cheesy as the second part of that last sentence is, it's true. We're drawn to people who are genuine and authentic. We like a touch of vulnerability. It's what makes us human — what makes you you. So don't be afraid to be real.
7. You're Stifling Your Actual Desires
If you're online looking for love, don't make it look like you're just down to clown. Conversely, if you're just looking for a no-strings fling, don't play like you're looking for someone to be your partner. This will throw off people who might actually be good matches, and continually pair you with a bad match — and bad matches ultimately won't really want to make the time to meet you.
8. You're Too Negative
If you're writing a laundry list of things you don't want and won't stand for on your profile, you're going to seem unapproachable. Instead of writing about what you don't want, try focusing on what you are looking for.
9. You're Bored
Blah, blah, blah. If you're just going through the motions on Tinder, and you've been online dating way too long and feel super jaded, that will seep out into your messages and infect your interactions. Take a break.
10. You Have Unrealistic Expectations
What online dating is: A chance to meet a bunch of people with like interests, and possibly start dating some of them. What it is not: A magic love potion that will match you with the woman or man of your dreams, followed closely thereafter by a fairytale marriage or whatever it is your heart desires. Online dating is a forum in which people are matched, and sometimes it works really well. Sometimes it doesn't. The point is to keep an open mind and a sense of humor. It may not be for everyone, but I think it's worth giving it a try.
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