There are plenty of reasons your online match isn't asking you on a date — reasons such an atrocity could occur — and some of them might not be terribly apparent at first glance. Let's say you've exchanged some lovely messages with your latest online crush. Maybe you've said your piece in emojis, and they've responded in kind. You're both from the same part of town, and you both totally adore that cute coffee shop on the corner by that restaurant that you're also both dying to try. It's Tuesday, and you dropped a hint that you're free this weekend, and mentioned that it's supposed to be really nice on Sunday. And . . . nothing. No emojis. No response. And certainly no invitation.
What gives? Maybe your profile isn't killing it. Maybe you're gunning exclusively for jerks. Maybe you're not writing in complete sentences. Maybe you just need some more ideas about how to be the best online dater ever. Maybe you're just totally clueless re: online dating. (Don't worry, everyone is when they first try it. And, for that matter, seasoned pros are too, because online dating is confusing and esoteric AF). A lot can go wrong online.
Here are 10 reasons your online crush didn't ask for a date.
1. You Didn't Make The First Move
Maybe your match is shy. Or stubborn. Or has been rejected recently. Whatever the case, there's no harm in taking initiative and asking your crush out. Worst case scenario: They say no. Or they ghost, which is much more likely, and is basically the 2015 version of rejection. NBD, since you'll never have to see them or or talk to them again.
2. You're Being Too Hint-y
It can be annoying when someone hints at things, but doesn't actually come out and ask for them. Passive-aggressiveness is not the way. Instead, it's better to just come out and ask for what you want. If you want to have an eclair at the local pasticceria, ask. If you want them to ask you to have an eclair at your fave pastry place and you're dropping hintbombs left and right, stop.
3. Too Much Too Soon
This should go without saying, but if you're asking a match to have a super extravagant dinner, saying things like, "You seem so perfect," or otherwise acting too familiar or personal with a stranger, they probably are hesitant to meet you. Just saying.
4. You Seem Too Anxious To Meet
It's definitely wise to meet ASAP — texting back and forth for no reason is pointless. But if you come off as being incredibly antsy to meet someone, they'll likely be turned off.
5. You Seem Too Distant
Conversely, if you act like you couldn't care less whether you meet or not, your match will probably be like, "OK, see you never then!" It's hard to find a balance when dating online.
6. You Seem Way Too Cool For School
I know it can be really tempting to just be like "sup" and let the other person take it from there, but guess what? That will never work. Be authentic, be yourself, or just date in real life and eschew dating online altogether. There's really nothing to lose, so why not be real?
7. They Just Like To Send Messages
This one is not on you: Some people just like to send messages back and forth ad infinitum without actually meeting. They never planned to see you face to face — they just want a pen pal. Move on.
8. Your Profile Leaves Something To Be Desired
There's a right and wrong way to make a profile. Full-length shots, coming off as approachable and using lots of emojis are helpful, according to Amanda Bradford, the founder of the dating app The League.
9. You're Going For The Wrong People
10. You're Spread Across Too Many Apps
There's such a thing as being spread too thin, diluting the dating pool too much, or whatever weird visual you want to use to say the same thing. Focus on one or two dating apps at a time. This will make life much easier.
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