While, as a society, we often put a lot of emphasis on people climaxing too fast, especially men, is there such a thing as lasting too long in bed? Well, depending on the situation, and you and your partner’s preferences, possibly. But, hey, sometimes it happens.
There are many contributing factors as to why it might take someone a long time to finish. For women, that could have a lot to do with the fact that it takes us longer to get aroused in the first place. It’s also worth noting that only 25 percent of women can even orgasm from vaginal intercourse, so that could also be a factor in why it may take a woman so long — she may not even climax at all.
But taking a long time to finish isn’t just something women experience, men, too, have their fair share of it as well. For example, having consumed too much alcohol can definitely make a guy go on and on and on. And when we examine both men and women, there can be contributing factors like stress, medications like antidepressants, or psychological issues that you’ve yet to conquer — all of which can make finishing in a timely fashion difficult. But you know what? It’s OK! It’s totally fine!
The only place where things get tricky is if you're the partner of the person who’s taking a long time to finish. That’s where you need to tread very lightly, be extremely supportive, and choose your words wisely. Here are 13 things you should never say to someone who takes a long time to finish.
1. "Are You Almost Done?"
Picture it: You’re having sex with your partner and you’re having a hard time climaxing, for whatever reason, and you hear that. How would you interpret it? Like your partner is annoyed and would rather be doing other things? Probably; and that’s how they’ll interpret it, too, making it even harder.
2. "It’s OK. You Just Take All The Time You Need."
While I think saying this could be OK, it’s all about the delivery. If you can say it without an ounce of condescension or a belittling tone, then great! If you can’t, then it’s just best to stay mum or, even better, ask them how you can help. Maybe try a different position!
3. "Wow! It’s Taking Longer Than Usual Today!"
If you know it’s taking longer than usual, so does your partner. There’s no need to tell them something they already know.
4. "Maybe We Can Just Finish Later."
While this response can seem good in theory, what you’re really saying is, “I’m kind of over this, so let’s watch some TV and try again in a few hours.” You’re saying that you’re bored and that’s the last thing you want your partner to think.
5."'Don’t Worry. It Happens To Everybody."
Even if it does happen to everybody at some point, it may be a little too cliche and feel insincere.
6. "Has This Happened Before?"
With this particular question you’re projecting two thoughts: Disgust and judgment. You’re judging them for taking so long, and letting that judgment turn into disgust as you seem to be suggesting you’ve been handed a raw deal.
7. "[Insert Another Partner’s Name] Never Took This Long."
Bringing up a previous sexual partner in bed is not a good idea. If mentioning them isn’t bad enough, making a comparison is just beyond rude and actually quite heartbreaking.
8. "Am I Doing Something Wrong?"
If you genuinely think you’re doing something wrong, instead of saying it out loud, suggest other things that you could do to help the process along.
9. "I’ve Never Experienced Something Like This."
Hey, there’s a first time for everything.
10. "How Much Longer Do You Think It Will Take?"
Now this is something you say if you want to add roughly another 30 minutes or longer to all this, because your partner is now drowning in a sea of self-consciousness.
11. Silence (But Trying To Check The Time)
You may think you’re doing it subtly, but your partner will notice.
12. "Are You Not Attracted To Me?"
Please don’t.
13. "Maybe There’s Something Wrong With You."
I think if my partner said this me, I’d turn around and tell him there’s probably something wrong with him. It sometimes takes people awhile! It happens! It’s normal! It doesn’t mean anything is “wrong” with you or them. It just simply means that your partner is taking a long time to finish and nothing more.
So give them the support they need and don’t try to shame them. Remember, you wouldn’t want to be shamed if the situation were reversed.
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