We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Now, onto this week’s topic: sex tips for when your partner has a big penis.
Q: “My boyfriend is big! Like, really big. Sometimes it’s great, but sometimes it hurts when we’re having intercourse. It's also hard to give head! It seems like I can hardly get past the head of his penis, which I’m sure can’t feel all that great for him. I read your article about sex positions for well-endowed men, but I'm wondering if there are any other hacks I should know to make things as comfortable for me — and as satisfying for him — as possible.”
A: Thanks for the question! So many men are size-obsessed, but bigger isn’t always better. Having a large penis can make oral sex tricky. He can also cause pain or discomfort by thudding against your cervix or pulling against your vaginal walls during intercourse. Not exactly the results guys are hoping for as they search for penis enlargement solutions online! Here are eight tips for minimizing pain and maximizing satisfaction when you’re with a well-endowed guy.
1. Respect Your Limits
Let’s get to the important stuff right off the bat: you have to respect your body and its limits. I know you want your boyfriend to feel the most pleasure possible, but please don’t force yourself to endure any pain when you’re together. No gritting your teeth and trying to get through it! If you’re in pain, ask him to slow down, go shallower, or make an adjustment. Period.
2. Use Your Hands
Your hands are your best friends when it comes to pleasuring a guy with a big penis. Your hands can deliver a lot of sensation, and can take on some of the load when other parts of your body can’t. Try giving him a hand job with both hands. You can move your hands in tandem up and down his shaft. Try using a very gentle twisting motion as you move up and down. Or you can create a waterfall-type effect by moving one hand down his shaft, following it with the other, then bringing the first hand back up and starting over again, so it feels like one continuous motion.
Your hands are also great during blowjobs. Wrap one or two hands around the base of his shaft, and focus your attention on the head of his penis and his balls. You’ll be stimulating his entire shaft in one way or another, so he won’t feel like he’s missing anything. No need to deep throat.
3. Make Sure You’re Ready
The best way to avoid pain during intercourse is to have him spend plenty of time getting you warmed up. The more aroused you are before being penetrated, the more your muscles will relax. Remember, your vaginal canal is designed to make way for a baby, so there’s plenty of room for a penis, even a big one. Have him use his hands, his mouth, or a toy. You want to be practically begging him to enter you before he does so!
4. Be In Control
Another great way to avoid pain is to try to be in control, especially during intercourse. Get in positions where you’re on top, or you’re the one initiating the movement. You’ll be able to discover the pace and depth that feel good for you, and he’ll get to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor!
5. Always Use Lube
You’ve probably seen me extoll the virtues of lube before, but it’s amazing — and a necessity — for having sex with a well-endowed guy. It’s especially great for guys who are girthy, since it will keep things nice and slippery and prevent skin from tugging against skin. I always recommend high-quality silicone-based lubes like Pjur Original. Use a generous amount, approximately the size of a quarter, and apply it directly to his penis while you give him a little handjob. Silicone-based lubes are great because they last a long time, but you can always reapply if you start feeling any sort of discomfort.
6. Experiment With Positions
I’m glad you checked out my past article about the best positions for well-endowed guys. Possibly the best way to make sex more comfortable is to keep experimenting with different sex positions. Even changing the angle of your pelvis or moving a leg a few inches can make a big difference. Here are some other positions to consider:
- When he’s on top, have him turn his body so his arms are resting to the right of your body, and his legs are to the left of your body. Having your bodies at an angle like this will prevent him from getting too deep, but it will still feel great for both of you.
- Or, when he’s on top, try twisting your body to one side and scissoring your legs open a bit.
- Spooning. You can either face the same direction, or face each other. The distance between your bodies makes sure he doesn’t go all the way in.
- Standing sex. I usually don’t recommend standing sex because it requires your bodies to be in near-perfect alignment. But this works in your favor when your guy is on the large side. Try facing each other, facing the same direction, or having him pin you up against the wall.
7. Avoid Anal
Just a quick note here — if your guy is on the large side, anal sex is probably a no-go. (Sorry guys.) You can always try it going very slowly and with tons of lube, but it’s probably best to let him explore your backdoor with his fingers instead.
8. Invest In Some Toys
Experimenting is one of the most fun parts of sex, and there are definitely some creative ways to accommodate his large penis. Toys are a good source of inspiration. You can try using a cock ring, like the LELO Tor II. Since the ring covers part of his penis, he won’t be able to push all the way into you. You can also use male masturbators on him, like the Tenga Flip, if your hands or mouth get tired.
9. Explore Alternatives To Penetrative Sex
One piece of feedback that I hear from well-endowed guys is that they sometimes miss the feeling of being able to thrust without abandon. They don’t want to hurt their partners, but there’s something about jackhammering that really does it for them at times. If you want to give your boyfriend that experience, you could let him thrust into your hands by creating a little tunnel with two open fists. Or, squeeze your breasts together and let him thrust away. You can also try letting him rub his penis against your lubed-up vulva (but not inside your vaginal canal). He won’t have to worry about hurting you, and you’ll get the added benefit of some amazing clitoral stimulation!
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