3 Powerful Ways To Turn Yourself On

Part of having a healthy, happy sex life (that’s full of intimacy, orgasms and all of that fun stuff) is being self-aware of your own pleasure points. If you can’t explain, direct, and coach your partner on how to get you to your boiling point, you aren’t doing yourself (or your sex life) justice. One key way to figure out what you like and how to have better orgasms is by masturbating regularly.

“Even though the medical and therapeutic communities no longer think of it as being unhealthy, there is still a lot of stigma attached to masturbation in our society, and some people in relationships even think of it as being akin to infidelity,” co-authors and relationship experts Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels tell Bustle. “The truth is that masturbation is a great way to become more sexually self-aware and empowered. It helps you understand your own body and take control of your pleasure. It’s also likely to increase your responsiveness in partnered situations.”

But if you find yourself getting ready for the big event before heading to bed and can’t seem to turn yourself on enough, you might feel like it’s a waste of time. Before you throw in the towel and retire your vibrator, consider changing your habits, your movements and the expectations you’ve placed on orgasming solo. Here, experts explain how to make female masturbation more effective (and well, fun!):

1. Release Yourself Of Any Pressures

When you really, really want something, it often seems like the more you worry about it, the less likely it is to happen. Why? You’re adding so much intensity to your expectations that no matter how much effort you put in, you’ll always feel like you fall short. That’s why Johnson and Michaels tell Bustle that letting go is the first step in effective masturbation. “Try to treat self-pleasuring as an exploration; avoid being goal-oriented; and don’t worry about whether you have an orgasm. Remember that it’s not a performance. The more you can connect with your own pleasure, the more you’ll be able to guide your partner to pleasure you in ways you enjoy,” they advise.

2. Set Up The Scene

When you’re about to have sex with someone you care about and you want it to have an air of romance, you might change the lighting in your bedroom. Or maybe you wear something sensual. As much as you may do this for a partner, you’re also doing it for yourself to relax and get yourself in the mood. Why not do the same when you’re playing on your own? “Do whatever it takes to create a sense of specialness around the activity, in a way that matches your beliefs. You can light a candle, burn some incense, or bathe,” Michaels and Johnson suggest.

3. Don’t Be Afraid To Explore Your Whole Region

When you’re having sex, a good partner will make sure many parts of your body are stimulated at the same time. This not only helps you reach climax faster, but it makes for a more intense orgasm when you finally release. When you’re masturbating, you want to make sure you’re giving yourself the full treatment, too. That’s why Johnson and Michaels say to explore all of your pathways.

"There are different kinds of orgasms, probably a greater variety in women than in men, and they involve different neural pathways. Many people are only familiar with one or two forms, so you probably have more orgasmic potential than you imagined,” they say. “It is important to realize that we are all wired differently, so it’s valuable to explore stimulating your entire pelvic area, including engaging more than one nerve at a time. This should lead you to discover new sources of sexual pleasure, and your partner’s likely to be delighted when you share what you’ve learned.”

Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy