Complete Timeline of Jennifer Lawrence's Oscar Night, From Slim Jims to Arm Fat to Vomit

It appears as though Jennifer Lawrence is forever on a quest to stake her claim as the most relatable, most BFF-able, and most endearing celebrity the world has ever known. During an appearance on Friday’s Live! With Kelly and Michael, Lawrence admitted to smuggling Slim Jims into the Oscars ceremony. Her preference, according to the actress is, "Hot and mild, because I didn't know what kind of mood I'd be in.” We get it J. Law, YOU’RE JUST LIKE US.

Lawrence was ostensibly on the talk show to promote the upcoming X-Men: Days of Future Past in which she plays the blue-skinned shape-shifting mutant Mystique, but despite the fact the star was on-air to discuss what will most assuredly be one of the summer’s biggest blockbusters, Ripa managed to bring the conversation back to Lawrence’s Oscars shenanigans.

But Ripa's not the only one dredging up the past. Lawrence also appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers and confirmed the rumor there that she threw up during Madonna’s Oscars party. Not only did she party too hard, she was also given major side-eye for it by none other than Miley Cyrus.

Lawrence’s accounts and tomfoolery from the Oscars continue to develop, even though the ceremony happened months ago. Thankfully, we’ve tracked down a police blotter from that night in order to keep track of all of her “just like us” accounts. Take a look:

First incident

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The suspect was confirmed to have arrived at the Oscars with one BFF (Best Friend Forever). The arrival thereof displayed traits of enviable sisterhood and elicited what is being reported as “squeeing” on the Internet.

Second incident

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The suspect claimed to have Slim Jims on her person at the event. Reportedly, Kerry Washington asked for one while pregnant. Incident is hearsay, no video or audio evidence to confirm.

Third incident

The suspect falls on the red carpet during arrival. The Internet promptly exploded. No charges were filed against the suspect for the temporary damage made to means of mass electronic communication.

Fourth incident

The suspect belligerently shakes her arm in order to comically display arm fat. No one was harmed and therefore no action was taken.

Fifth incident

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The suspect called Harvey Weinstein an “idiot” during a red carpet interview. Weinstein’s people were immediately alerted and the Hollywood Police were briefed. No charges were pressed due to Lawrence’s immense popularity and box office draw.

Sixth incident

The suspect took part in a massive “selfie” along with the the most elite guests of the ceremony. Suspect did not physically or verbally harm anyone during the event.

Seventh incident:

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The suspect verbally berated one Jared Leto for laughing at her while presenting an award at the Oscars. It was later confirmed by the victim that his laughter was unrelated to the suspect.

Eighth incident

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The suspect was photographed attempting to wrench a statue out of the hands of one Lupita Nyong’o. The victim later confirmed the act was in jest and the two are friends. No charges were pressed.

Ninth incident

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The suspect vomited at an after-party hosted by Madonna and was subsequently judged by one Miley Cyrus. Suspect does not appear embarrassed by event.

End of report.

Or is it just the beginning? Only time will tell.

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