Rob Ford's Rehab Stay Is Over, He'll Be Back In The Office Soon (If His Keys Work)

Crack-smoking, drunkenly-swearing public urinater Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has had a blast at rehab. He's worked out, he's made some mean cups of coffee, in fact, his time getting sober has been a bit like football camp. But now, Ford is ready step back into his old (mostly symbolic, at this point) role: yes, in less than two weeks, Ford will be Toronto's mayor again. Brace yourself, Canada.

No-one can accuse Rob Ford — the man, the myth, the soon-to-be subject of a musical — of being a quitter. After making it through roughly two months at a "working rehab," the Toronto official will be walking back into City Hall on June 30th (granting his keys work, that is), and doing whatever it is he does when he's not being homophobic, sexist or "accidentally" aggressive. In a letter written to Toronto’s city clerk earlier this month, the Mayor said:

Kindly be advised that I will be returning to work at City Hall on Monday, June 30th, 2014, in the later portion of the afternoon. Please make the necessary arrangements for my locks to be restored to their state prior to my departure.

The mayor checked into a Canadian rehab center back in April, after he, er, didn't quite make it to his center-of-choice in Chicago. And he seems to have enjoyed his time there immensely: “I feel great,” Ford told the Toronto Sun last month. “Rehab is amazing. It reminds me of football camp. Kind of like the Washington Redskins camp I went to as a kid.” He told the Sun that he was "working out every day" and "learning about myself, my past and things like that.”

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Though it's hard to believe that a man whose pipe-smoking antics are a joke in-and-of-themselves can go back to running a major city after just eight weeks in what sounds like a pretty cushy retreat, thankfully, Ford is essentially a MINA (mayor in name only) now. Finding him impossible to get rid of entirely, the Toronto Council has taken away Ford's political authority bit by bit over the last few months, rendering him virtually useless, if not un-embarrassing.

But he's looking to change that come October, when Toronto residents will vote on whether or not to keep the embattled incumbent in office (WHY?!), or choose somebody — anybody! Even porn star Nikki Benz! — else to become Toronto mayor. As we said before, though, Rob Ford does not give up easily. He told the Toronto Sun, back in May:

I will be on the ballot for mayor in October, guaranteed, and I will do well. On Oct. 28, there will be no need to change the locks. There will be no need to clean out my office because I am coming back.

Dun-dun-duuuun.