Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez Are Dating Again But Their Outings Are Suspiciously Boring
If you haven't already heard — like, maybe if you aren't an obsessive Belieber or Selenator — Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are back together. Well, at least as far as the world can tell. Bieber didn't come out and declare his rekindled relationship with the "most elegant princess in the world" and Gomez didn't post an Instagram caption about the relationship that wasn't vague, so we can't know for sure, but it seems pretty obvious. Gomez and Bieber have gone on a series of what appear to be dates, but the weird thing is, they are the most boring, normal dates in the world. Why would two young, extremely wealthy celebs celebrate their reunion like us regular folks? It's very suspicious.
Here's what we know: Bieber and Gomez have gone on dates to the movies, the zoo, and to Bible study. All of these are perfectly fine activities for a young couple, they just seem a bit odd for Jelena. Bieber once rented out the Staples Center so he and Gomez could have a private screening of Titanic and eat a steak dinner. The Zoo is NOTHING compared to that.
So what's up Bieber and Gomez going on toned down dates? Is it to prove that they're just a normal couple with normal off-and-on issues and so we should all (especially you, Beliebers) stop giving them such a hard time about dating? They just want to go to the movies and have a good time and not say racist things or mysteriously unfollow everyone on Instagram, okay?! That stuff is in the past. Now is the time for learning about Jesus and taking fun pictures of peacocks!
As someone who isn't deeply offended by Gomez and Bieber being back together — Did I say I think it's a good idea? No. Don't get it twisted. — I don't think they need to go on all these dates better suited for regular people like myself in order to prove anything. I can go to the zoo and the movies with my boyfriend, how am I supposed to be jealous of an almost-felon and a former Disney channel star if they go on the same dates as me?
Here's some dates that would suit Jelena much better:
- Any of the crazy stuff that goes down on The Bachelor/ette: Bungee jumping, skydiving, repelling down a building, etc.
- An exotic beach vacation. It's a celebrity classic for a reason.
- The World Cup final. There's still time and this one could happen, but it's a waste that they aren't in Brazil already.
- Luxury car shopping.
- Luxury anything shopping. Come on, Selena, Justin could use a new skirt/pants combo!
- A stroll around London.
- A stroll around anywhere I can afford to travel to. This includes most places that aren't available via Greyhound or a JetBlue promotion.
- Skiing. It's super fabulous to go somewhere cold when it's summertime in your usual timezone.
- Versailles. Kimye made it trendy and if these two really want to up their celebrity couple power ranking, they need to follow suit.
Are you listening Jelena? These are the types of dates you need to be going on! Sure, you might upset the Beliebers even further, but it's like ripping off a bandaid: If you just go ahead and Instagram up a storm while on your flirtatious Caribbean vacation, the quicker everyone will get over it and accept you as a couple. Then, as usual, you can break up and start the whole thing over again.