Take it from me: it's not easy to have a super common first name. Sure, being a "Rachel" is probably better than being a "Django" or "Khaleesi," but it's also no walk in the park. Everywhere I go, there's more of me; two other Rachels in my third grade class, three of them at the office, more of them than I can count on trips to Israel or a Long Island mall. And then there's Hollywood; I may not know any of the famous Rachels personally, but it's hard not to feel like an underachiever when McAdams, Bilson, Weisz and Ray are constantly on radar, starring in blockbusters and picking up trophies left and right. Still, it could be worse; at least my name isn't Christopher.
And not just because that'd be pretty strange for a girl. Christophers, you see, are everywhere — on TV, in the movies, taking home Oscars and getting cast in must-see films. This year, especially, there seemed to be a Christopher overload; no matter where you looked, one Chris or another was taking over pop culture. Some of them fared better than others, though — how 12 Christophers of 2014 rank so far, from least successful to most:
12. Chris Brown
2014 activities: Released music no one heard; sued for assault; went to rehab; was kicked out of rehab; went to jail; was released from jail.
Outcome: Pretty much as bad as it gets. There's always next year?
11. Christopher from Orange is the New Black
2014 activities: Got engaged; found out his imprisoned stalker (Morello, above) broke into his house; confronted her in jail; learned she was still pretending to be with him; got creepily stared at by a bunch of convicts.
Outcome: Christofaaaaa had a very bad year.
10. Christopher Plummer
2014 activities: Filmed Imagine, set for release later this year; co-starred in Hector and the Search for Happiness, whose trailer premiered on Tuesday.
Outcome: Alright. Not bad, not great.
9. Chris Martin
2014 activities: Released a new Coldplay album; played Saturday Night Live, consciously uncoupled from wife Gwyneth Paltrow.
Outcome: Well... it depends on how much you like Gwyneth Paltrow.
8. Christopher Eccleston
2014 activities: Filmed Fortitude, an upcoming British TV show; co-starred in The Leftovers (above), currently airing on HBO.
Outcome: Not bad, and improving quickly as The Leftovers picks up steam.
7. Christopher Nolan
2014 activities: Wrote a Wall Street Journal op-ed; readied the world for Interstellar.
Outcome: So far, nothing special, but oh, just wait until November.
6. Christopher Walken
2014 activities: Starred in a BBC TV movie; had a small role in Jersey Boys; was featured in an epic dance mash-up video; got cast as Captain Hook in Peter Pan Live.
Outcome: Pretty decent, mostly thanks to the dancing. Actually, it's all because of the dancing.
5. Christopher Mintz-Plasse
2014 activities: Stole scenes in Neighbors (above); voiced a role in How to Train Your Dragon 2; continued starring in the Cartoon Network show DreamWorks Dragons; filmed the upcoming Get a Job.
Outcome: Good, and when the star-studded Get a Job finally comes out, it'll be even better.
4. Chris Evans
2014 activities: Starred in Captain America: The Winter Soldier; filmed two movies; led the breakout hit Snowpiercer.
Outcome: Decent when it was just about Captain America, then great when Snowpiercer came into play. The sci-fi indie became one of summer's biggest breakouts.
3. Chris Treager from Parks & Rec
2014 activities: Prepared to become a father; moved away from Pawnee to start a life with his girlfriend; had a son.
Outcome: Even with leaving his friends, Chris' year was literally fantastic.
2. Christopher Meloni
2014 activities: Starred on the now-cancelled Surviving Jack; co-starred in They Came Together; premiered White Bird in a Blizzard at Sundance; guest-starred on Veep; will release Sin City: A Dame to Kill For in August.
Outcome: Excellent. Even with Surviving Jack's cancellation, Meloni's 2014 has been incredible so far (not to mention jam-packed; seriously, how did he do it?)
1. Chris Pratt
2014 activities: Starred on Parks & Rec's sixth season; voiced the lead role in the super-successful Lego Movie; got cast in Jurassic World; is about to release a mega blockbuster, Guardians of the Galaxy; became everyone's new favorite crush.
Outcome: When it comes to Chris Pratt's 2014 so far, it's safe to say that everything is awesome.
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