'Modern Family,' 'Breaking Bad,' & the Complete List of 2014 Emmy Winners (Yes, 2014)

It's that time of year again when fans inhale store-bought guacamole and watch their favorite TV stars suck it in on the red carpet. The 66th Primetime Emmy Awards came to us live from the Nokia theater in downtown L.A., and the excitement was as thick, palpable, and expansive as Jon Hamm's beard right before happy hour. Who were Monday night's big winners? Did Hamm finally win for Mad Men? Did Scandal's Kerry Washington make history? Did Amy Poehler snag the statue for Parks and Recreation? And what about that old show, Breaking Bad? Did the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences pay Bryan Cranston, Anna Gunn, and Aaron Paul one last due? All your questions are answered below on this list of the 2014 Emmy winners. But spoiler alert: don't get excited for any surprises.

The red carpet gave us such gems as Natasha Lyonne's interview, which proved she's just like Nicky Nichols, the absurd but endlessly intriguing Clutch Cam, and a very um, loose, Sarah Silverman showing off her stash of weed, but let's get to the awards, already. Then back to the guac. Because the guac was easily the most interesting part of the night.

Outstanding Drama Series

Breaking Bad — Winner

Downton Abbey

Game of Thrones

House of Cards

Mad Men

True Detective

Lead Actor in a Drama Series

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad — Winner

Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Kevin Spacey, House of Cards

Matthew McConaughey, True Detective

Woody Harrelson, True Detective

Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Lizzy Caplan, Masters of Sex

Claire Danes, Homeland

Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey

Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife — Winner

Kerry Washington, Scandal

Robin Wright, House of Cards

Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad — Winner

Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones

Jon Voight, Ray Donovan

Jim Carter, Downton Abbey

Mandy Patinkin, Homeland

Josh Charles, The Good Wife

Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad — Winner

Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey

Christina Hendricks, Mad Men

Lena Headey, Game of Thrones

Christine Baranski, The Good Wife

Guest Actor in a Drama Series

Paul Giamatti, Downton Abbey

Robert Morse, Mad Men

Joe Morton, Scandal — Winner

Reg E. Cathey, House of Cards

Beau Bridges, Masters of Sex

Dylan Baker, The Good Wife

Guest Actress in a Drama Series

Diana Rigg, Game of Thrones

Kate Mara, House of Cards

Allison Janney, Masters of Sex — Winner

Kate Burton, Scandal

Jane Fonda, The Newsroom

Margo Martindale, The Americans

Writing for a Drama Series

Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad — Moira Walley-Beckett — Winner

Game of Thrones

House of Cards

True Detective

Directing for a Drama Series

Boardwalk Empire

Breaking Bad

Downton Abbey

Game of Thrones

House of Cards

True Detective — Winner

Outstanding Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory

Louie

Modern Family — Winner

Orange is the New Black

Silicon Valley

Veep

Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Louis CK, Louie

Don Cheadle, House of Lies

Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory — Winner

Ricky Gervais, Derek

Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

William H. Macy, Shameless

Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Lena Dunham, Girls

Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep — Winner

Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly

Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

Taylor Schilling, Orange Is the New Black

Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Adam Driver, Girls

Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ty Burrell, Modern Family — Winner

Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family

Fred Armisen, Portlandia

Tony Hale, Veep

Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Julie Bowen, Modern Family

Allison Janney, Mom — Winner

Kate Mulgrew, Orange is the New Black

Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live

Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory

Anna Chlumsky, Veep

Guest Actor in a Comedy Series

Nathan Lane, Modern Family

Steve Buscemi, Portlandia

Louis CK, Saturday Night Live

Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live — Winner

Bob Newhart, The Big Bang Theory

Gary Cole, Veep

Guest Actress in a Comedy Series

Uzo Aduba, Orange is the New Black — Winner

Laverne Cox, Orange is the New Black

Natasha Lyonne, Orange is the New Black

Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live

Melissa McCarthy, Saturday Night Live

Joan Cusack, Shameless

Writing for a Comedy Series

Episodes

Louie — Winner

Orange is the New Black

Silicon Valley

Veep

Directing for a Comedy Series

Episodes

Glee

Louie

Modern Family — Winner

Orange is the New Black

Silicon Valley

Outstanding Miniseries

American Horror Story: Coven

Bonnie & Clyde

Treme

The White Queen

Luther

Fargo — Winner

Outstanding Television Movie

Killing Kennedy

Muhammad Ali's Greatest Fight

The Normal Heart — Winner

Sherlock

The Trip to Bountiful

Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie

Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: His Last Vow — Winner

Chiwetel Ejiofor, Dancing on the Edge

Martin Freeman, Fargo

Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart

Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie

Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Coven — Winner

Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Coven

Helena Bonham Carter, Burton & Taylor

Minnie Driver, Return to Zero

Kristen Wiig, The Spoils of Babylon

Cicely Tyson, The Trip to Bountiful

Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie

Colin Hanks, Fargo

Martin Freeman, Sherlock: His Last Vow — Winner

Jim Parsons, The Normal Heart

Joe Mantello, The Normal Heart

Alfred Molina, The Normal Heart

Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart

Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie

Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Coven — Winner

Angela Bassett, American Horror Story: Coven

Frances Conroy, American Horror Story: Coven

Allison Tolman, Fargo

Ellen Burstyn, Flowers in the Attic

Julia Roberts, The Normal Heart

Writing for a Miniseries, Movie, or a Dramatic Special

American Horror Story: Coven

Fargo

Luther

Sherlock: His Last Vow — Winner

The Normal Heart

Treme

Directing for a Miniseries, Movie, or a Dramatic Special

American Horror Story: Coven

Fargo — Winner

Muhammad Ali's Greatest Fight

Sherlock: His Last Vow

The Normal Heart

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program

The Amazing Race — Winner

Dancing With the Stars

Project Runway

So You Think You Can Dance?

Top Chef

The Voice

Outstanding Structured Reality Program

Antiques Roadshow

Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives

MythBusters

Shark Tank — Winner

Undercover Boss

Who Do You Think You Are?

Outstanding Unstructured Reality Program

Alaska: The Last Frontier

Deadliest Catch — Winner

Flipping Out

Million Dollar Listing New York

Wahlburgers

Wild Things with Dominic Monaghan

Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program

Betty White, Betty White's Off Their Rockers

Tom Bergeron, Dancing with the Stars

Heidi Klum & Tim Gunn, Project Runway

Jane Lynch, Hollywood Game Night — Winner

Anthony Bourdain, The Taste

Cat Deeley, So You Think You Can Dance

Outstanding Variety Series

The Colbert Report — Winner

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Saturday Night Live

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Real Time with Bill Maher

Writing for a Variety Series

Inside Amy Schumer

Key & Peele

Portlandia

The Colbert Report — Winner

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Directing for a Variety Series

Portlandia

Saturday Night Live — Winner

The Colbert Report

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Outstanding Variety Special

AFI Life Achievement Award: A Tribute to Mel Brooks — Winner

Best of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon Primetime Special

Billy Crystal: 700 Sundays

Sarah Silverman: We Are Miracles

The Beatles: The Night That Changed America

The Kennedy Center Honors

Writing for a Variety Special

67th Annual Tony Awards

Billy Crystal: 700 Sundays

Sarah Silverman: We Are Miracles — Winner

The 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards

The Beatles: The Night that Changed America

Directing for a Variety Special

67th Annual Tony Awards — Winner

Six by Sondheim

The Beatles: The Night that Changed America

The Kennedy Center Honors

The Oscars

The Sound of Music Live!

Image: NBC