What We Do Know, Jon Snow?

It's a concept that will plague us until we finally learn the answer: What's the deal with Jon Snow's parents on Game of Thrones? And that's because on any given day, mega fans like myself spend about 30 percent of our time thinking about Game of Thrones. Whether we're thinking about stuff like, why hasn't Forever 21 released Mereen-inspired Khaleesi line, or something like, I wish Masie Williams was my best friend in real life, we're mulling over Game of Thrones questions almost as often as we're thinking about what's for lunch. And at the top of that list of questions is obviously the Jon Snow parentage question. It's gotten a little out of hand, and honestly, I need to save some room for Mad Men final season theories, too. It's driven me to concoct a theory of my own: What if Jon Snow's parentage doesn't actually have that much to do with the series endgame at all?

I know you're all yelling "Blasphemy!" in both English and Dothraki. And look, I get that the series and the books have been teasing Jon Snow's parentage for a while now. I understand that knowing whether his dad is really Ned Stark and if his mom is actually Lyanna Stark is important to the show. I hear you, I really do. But there's something tell me me that we all might, just might, be blowing this thing a little out of proportion. I know it sounds crazy, but just hear me out.

1. THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY THEORIES

Every time someone watches the Red Wedding, a new GoT theory is born on the internet. While some of them are actually pretty good, how are we determining who's ultimately right and who's wrong? There's not a whole lot of definitive proof to help us out. There are only so many times we can read Storm of Swords and deconstruct passages. What's there to say we can't find one tiny little nugget of dialogue that suggests that Cersei is actually Jon's mom? (OK, maybe not that far, but some of these theories are just as crazy.)

This parentage business has become a screaming match where the person yelling the loudest is who we listen to. And while there are four widely accepted theories, the obsession with those theories is about out of control (perhaps it's all because of Kit Harrington's awesome man bun). We are running ourselves ragged and it could turn out to be only a small piece of the Westeros puzzle.

2. EVERYTHING WE KNOW IS A RED HERRING

Blame Harry Potter for this one. Like many children of the 2000s, I obsessed about Harry before there were accompanying movies. I can't help but think of Jon in relation to Neville. Yeah. Neville. The whole story line with Neville was set up as if Harry's gigantic life altering prophecy could be about him, too. I poured over the books for hours, determined to find the clues that would cause Neville to be the one the Dark Lord has to fight. However, my work was for naught.

Everything was always about Harry, and everything relating to Neville was a big old red herring designed to throw us off the track. Author George R.R. Martin knows were desperately searching for clues, so what's there to say that he hasn't written tiny little snippets simply to get us off the trail of Jon's true parentage? Martin is smarter than all of us, let's at least agree on that theory. He's clearly got a grand endgame planned for the epic saga, so he could just be toying with us.

3. MARTIN Is a Feminist (Hear me out)

Martin did an interview a while back for Strombo where the interviewer noted that he writes women "really well" to which Martin responded "I consider them to be people." Um, DUH. Martin has stated before that he considers himself a feminist, and I strongly doubt that he would leave behind the likes of Dany, Arya and Brienne to focus solely on Jon rising to power. That wouldn't serve his feminist sensibilities much, now would it? He's spent so much time building up these strong women that I'd feel cheated if suddenly Jon swoops in and manages to gain control of Westeros.

4. We Don't Know How Much Jon's Parentage Actually Matters

If the theory that Jon is actually a Targaryan is correct, then we're getting somewhere. But if it's wrong, and he's not — as we all seem to think he is — the true and rightful heir to the Iron Throne, all this worrying will be for nothing. There is either going to be a big reveal that Jon Snow is royal, or there's not. The more we worry about it now, the crazier we'll be if that reveal never comes. (After all, Sean Bean can't be right about everything, right?)

Images: Helen Sloan/HBO; Giphy (4)